Honestly, fear

Monday, August 11th, 2014 11:42 pm
geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)

Just Breathe…. by Kushita on deviantART

How we self-sabotage our own selves.

I’ve always been afraid. I don’t know why. I think it’s gotten worse though, over the years. Might need to do a Timeline therapy for this. Find out the cause of my fear, make my peace with it, and let it go.

The fear, this leaden feeling
It sits in a corner of my chest.
Just under my left breast
A heavy, leaden thing.

When I close my eyes
And acknowledge my fear exists
I find myself standing still, sitting still
Nothing moves.

There is no fear, in the traditional sense
No panic, no increased heartbeat, no desire to run
Instead, what there is
Is resigned acceptance that things change for the worse.

It’s a horrible thing, this fear.
Not the kind that makes you scream, cry, shout in horror
No, this fear is infinitely more terrifying
Simply because it is calming.

Fear to keep you where you are
To protect yourself from disappointment
Freezing yourself in that one moment
To keep the self from harm.

I acknowledge this fear.
I acknowledge it exists.
I know the reason for its presence.
And choose to move forward, with its warning.

Fear is the mind-killer
It is also the protector
Minimising risk and increasing survival rate
Fear was once necessary.

You need love to live
But fear to survive
Without one, the other cannot be.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

On Being Awesome

Wednesday, July 30th, 2014 11:43 pm
geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)

The kind of things I write on 750words if I’m not working on a story:

I am a little envious of those who are successful, yet I fear being successful myself. I feel guilty if I win something, if I do something of consequence that’s good, and I win recognition for it, because I feel I’m a fraud.

I just realised I have named Imposter Syndrome. Damnit. I know I have this, but I feel I’m a fraud for saying I have this, because it feels like I’m admitting that I am awesome.

I am, but how do I convince myself that I have the right to be awesome, and it’s something I should keep on doing because I am awesome, and not because I’m just a lonely fake who somehow manages to get away with it?

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Cute sisters from PW as kids (Default)

Karcy had a very interesting question the other day. She asked on Facebook, why do the artists on her friends list create?

For me, the art of creation is what keeps me sane. Writing keeps me sane, keeps me alive, keeps me grounded, in a sense. Several years ago, after being out of a job for about 10 months, I began to work full time again. (My venture into freelance is something I’m still highly embarrassed about, mainly because it’s due to my own inadequacies, but that’s a topic for another day).

So when I started working again, I went into social media. It was what I was hired for, what my skillset then was good at. And in the business of it all, I neglected to write. As in write longform, stringing together words to make sentences to turn into essays. I began job-hopping. Then I finally ended up where I am working now, and still I didn’t write.

It took almost 18 months and the realisation I was slipping into depression before I began to take up the pen again. I could write, it seems during Nannowrimo, but I was afraid to write any other time. The sense of failure had resulted in fear, and I was truly afraid that I would fail again.

I tried all sorts of way to write. It wasn’t until this year, when I started submitting stories, that I really felt right about writing. It’s not an indulgent thing, to want to write because I want to. It’s not a matter of bragging about my skills. I’m not an imposter who’s lucky enough to string words together.

I write because I want to live.

And that’s all that matters.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Who Needs Sanity (Who Needs Sanity)

Been sick the past few weeks. Last week was the worst; I ended up taking two days of sick leave because I really couldn’t stand it any more. As it turned out, a mix of extra sleep (plenty of it!), modern medicine and just general relaxing with friends did a lot to help me recover. The week after Japan has been an insanely busy one. This wasn’t helped by the fact that my flu got worse after I came home. Still, at least I feel functional now and no more “I want to stay home and curl in my blanket.”

Car also went to the hospital. Mom and dad took him to the paint shop while I was away, and when I got him back, he was gleaming! Sadly, his engine whined at me and he went into the hospital for an emergency top overhaul. I’d been delaying that for months and now I paid the price whoops!

Let’s see… the extender cable on my Superlux HD318F died. As in it’s showing the “you have stressed out the wires and therefore we will not longer work unless you adjust us just right” issue I’ve had with all my other earphones. Yes, yes, I’ll start carrying a bag for my headphones. I can’t stand them dying on me. *flails*

Also, Tabitha, my tablet, has been lagging quite a bit lately. I haven’t cleaned up the apps yet, so that’s on my next to-do list when I get the time. It’s odd that she’d be this slow though, considering her specs. Her battery life is still awesome though. Benefits of keeping her docked with the keyboard (or always “married” as Wind_Goddess says) all the time.

Aiks, that turned into a tech update instead of a life status update. Well, in a lot of ways, my tech updates mirror my life update.

Fitness-wise, I’ve stopped exercises temporarily, mainly because of health. Going to kickstart my planned routine again tomorrow most likely. Depends on whether body feels up to it. My legs were feeling really weak just now at dinner when I was out with Rincredulous and the others.

New routine, if it works, should help with strength training and extending stamina. Basically it’s an alternate day plan with an hour’s run on one day, then a 30 minute Nike+ training session the next day. I’ve completed two sessions so far, and it seems to be working. I fell sick with the flu JUST before my trip, and it was alright while I was in Japan, then got worse when I came back to Malaysia. So I haven’t trained for almost two weeks.

I’m quite glad that I don’t have any runs coming up soon, but it also means that I don’t really have a drive to push myself to train. Did I mention that work is kicking my ass? Because it is.

Speaking of work, on the creative side, I’ll be selling my words at the Comic Art Festival Kuala Lumpur happening next week at the Annexe, Central Market. It’ll be happening from 7-8 June, 2014, 10am to 6pm. Goddess help me and Dimmie. :D We’re operating a booth called ProseACK! and will be at B17. Our friends Milk Tea and Monsters will be next to us at B16, selling an anthology called “How Was Your Day?” by 8 different artists. ;)

Dimmie will be selling a collection of her Vaticanny Palace stories (which, if you like irreverent and funny divinity stories you must get!) while I am hopefully going to compile a series of Chapter 1s and put them up for sale.

In addition, you’ll also be supporting a bunch of youngsters who self-publish their own comics, books and other creative stuff. Stuff that *I* am looking out for include Veleries’ Echo Comic and whatever the heck Maxsterism is going to be doing at B14, and not to mention Maikii at B13!

So clear out that weekend, and check out us out!

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.


Tuesday, March 11th, 2014 08:15 am
geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)

Makishima-senpai on my phoneMakishima-senpai on my phone

What is my identity?

When you talk about identity in Malaysia, it always comes back to race. To where you come from. To your culture. Chinese. Malay. Indian. Eurasian (colonial and not). Whatever.

Which always left me feeling a bit off, because I could never quite grasp them the way. I like culture, but not in quite the same others have internalised them. And then there’s the whole, “If you’re this religion and that race combo” mix, there’s a subtle way pressure to act/identify a certain way.

What is my identity?

I grew up in an English-speaking household. Always felt it was a bit off, because while my friends learnt at least 3-4 languages, in my mixed household we learnt only two.

And neither one was our grandfather’s nor grandmother’s tongues, at least not according to the ethnicity Malaysia had christened them with.

What is my identity?

Stories tell you a lot about the person in front of you. It’s not just the content of the story itself, but how it’s presented, by whom it’s presented, and why it’s presented… We’re all made up of different stories that have led us to where we are. Stories are a journey, but not an end.

Compared to most others, I have a fairly priviledged and safe story. I didn’t quite want for anything growing up, and I have enough to provide for myself, at least. My story’s rather tame, compared to most others.

What is my identity?

The roles we play inform our identity. The labels we stick on ourselves, these form our identity. The feelings, the emotions, the actions we take… this becomes our identity. It is how we identify ourselves to both each other, and to ourselves, a way of marking our presence and reality.

What is my identity?

A sister, I hope. A mother, maybe. A friend. A child. A writer. A spinner of stories. A privileged git. An overbearing and arrogant woman. A people pleaser. A lonely person.

So many, and yet none of these. I am the sum of my stories, and to narrow myself down to a single story, a single identity would be to displace my humanity and the humanity of those who have added to this story.

There’s always a way to move forward.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)


Baby Nyaoko is a pretty awesome nickname, to be honest. It sounds like a bubblegum pop princess kind of name. I’ve changed whatever that can be changed to that nickname. I’m tempted to change my Ingress nick too, but we shall see about that.

So how did I get Baby Nyaoko? I’ve come to terms with the fact that I like cats. There’s also the fact that my nickname is Naoko. There is a reason why I should not write when half-asleep. :P The name was actually given by Tenta aka Tibbar deNgiw for the reasons stated above.

And the fact that I have two milk teeth which makes my dentist go o_O as they show no signs of falling off yet. So [Nyan (cat) + Naoko] x Baby = Baby Nyaoko.

Does that read right…?

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.


Thursday, June 27th, 2013 08:27 am
geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)

Updates, updates.

Well, as you can tell, I am alive. The first half of the year has come and is almost gone. There’s just a few more days left till June is gone, and with that, I will have to admit to myself that I will finally be hitting the mark that everyone says a woman is no longer delectable.

Yes, I will be hitting thirty next year.

Honestly, I find it quite amazing that I am even alive this long. I’m a little disappointed by the way my life has turned out, yet I’m surprised at the same time that I’ve come this far.

When I was 5, being 21 seemed like a long way to go. It felt like I was going to be ancient. Not ancient like Roman history, but ancient in the sense I was going to be on this Earth for that long. I never really quite had the long term view of things. It’s mostly all vague ideas and thoughts.

I ended up in writing mainly because as a kid it seemed to be something easy to do. When I was a kid, I thought I would be a nun or a nurse. I wanted to do something to help people. I grew up wanting to help people. It wasn’t enough to simply help though.

My family has a history of helping people. Depending on whom you listen to, the stories either warn us against helping those who weren’t part of the clan, or that sticking for your principles could lead to ruin.

In the family, my godfather is considered one of the straightest in the family. Straight in the sense that he would stand up for his principles. I know my grandmother and grandfather were alternately pleased and yet had a wry amusement about that. He is possibly the only person I know who was let go from his job two months in because he was such a straight and honest guy, he could not deal with the consequences (his job was a legal but ethically wrong kind of job). Some people have that temerity; he didn’t.

That was one of the stories I grew up with.

There’s a strong sense of ethical principle and morality in the family. Comes from being a Catholic, you see.

A Catholic, and I was sometimes impressed upon, from being a Malaysian Eurasian.

No lying, no stealing, no cheating.

There’s a reason why my grandmother was completely ok with her kids and grandkids doing any kind of job, as long as we were not used car salespeople or lawyers.

But I digress.

I remember very clearly my thoughts as a kid. I was lying in bed, looking up at the ceiling. I wondered if I would see my 21st birthday. I didn’t think I had much to look forward to. Age was literally just a number to me then.

So I lived in the moment.

Almost 25 years on, I find myself recalling that with incredible clarity. And I’m a little amused too.

If I had told myself at 5 that I would be a writer, that I would be writing for pleasure, and that I would read for pleasure, I would have looked at myself in surprise and laugh.

Actually no. I was a much more polite and brattier kid then. I’d have nodded my head and then went on to play. I’d then have told the story to anyone and everyone who would listen.

I still do that sometimes.

I found it very hard to believe that I would live to be 21, much less 30.

And if I did make it to thirty, I thought I would be married. I’d still be working, but I’d be married and have my own kids. And that my grandma would love to have played with my kids.

Funny how life turned out.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Be kind

Thursday, September 27th, 2012 12:47 am
geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)

The past few months have been quite a turmoil for me. I’ve been moving through moodswings like no one’s business, and I’ve not been feeling too well as a result. There’s been a lot of drama in my life than I’m used to, and quite a fair bit of politicking as well. I’ve done things I’m not proud of, and I’ve said nothing with my silence on other things.

So overall, I have a sad view of myself, and even more so, perhaps, I have a sad view of the human race. The amount of poisoning, backstabbing, sheer idiocy and simple maliciousness has gotten to the point that I really wonder if there is any hope for us in the future.

Then I read this. Go ahead. Click on the link. She does amazing work, for someone who’s just a girl on the Internet, but I think it says that a lot that she does take her own advice.

Because that Boggle strip is unbelievably kind. And it reinforces my faith in humanity. There are often so many of us, caught in our own business and priorities, that we forget what it’s like to be human. To treat each other with love and compassion. To respect ourselves and accord that same respect to others. To acknowledge another human being’s existence and presence.

To simply be kind.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Why I write

Monday, September 17th, 2012 01:13 am
geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)

The reason writers must bare their souls on the page is because someone out there in the world desperately needs to hear our story.
- Cherrie Moraga, as quoted by Ollin Morales

Several years ago, I read this particular quote on Facebook, before it got big. And it struck a chord in me. It reminded me of the many times I have read other authors, other writers, and come away far richer than I had been before I read them.

Yet I could not often reply to these authors to thank them. Some I could, because they were still alive and had an email address I could write to. Others were long dead or intimidated me because they had achieved a greatness I could only dream of.

Yet for a very long time, I thought long and hard about the words I wrote. Not about the actual words I wrote, but the reasons for writing. Why spend hours writing when I could be busy gaming, listening to music, checking out Facebook, Twitter and Google+, or even just reading other author’s words?

The answer came back to me as I was looking back on one of my older entries with a reference from another friend.

The words I needed to hear were my own. They are my immortalised dreams, a point of reference to look back on. They remind me of the spirit I had, of the promises I made to myself, of the grandiose statements I made.

Statements which I see, for now, are ashes.

Ashes, however, often hide ember. And ember can be stirred to create new fires. The trick is to get some flammable stuff to catch the fire first, then build it into a long-burning passion.

That starts now. *blows dust from journal*

Hi everyone.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)


When I was a child, my parents took me, my brother, and two cousins to the beach. The four of us had a whale of a time, though I often ran back from the water’s edge to my mother to wipe the salt water from my eyes. Soon I got accustomed to it and I played in the water.

Read the rest of this entry »

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Of solitude

Friday, August 31st, 2012 02:03 pm
geminianeyes: Cute sisters from PW as kids (Default)

Every so often I get the urge to be alone, usually after a period of intense mental or social activity. Work has been that the past few weeks, so much so that I couldn’t focus even though my workload was better this week. My social life was also filled with drama several weeks back, which added to the mental drain.

It’s time like these that I usually seek a retreat from my online social circles. When all I want to do is curl up with a loved one and a book. Or sometimes, just the book.

Find a quiet place to just sit and read, to rediscover the magic of imagination. Refill my patience and Zen tanks. They’ve been running low for the past year, and at this point, I do fear I might either explode or jump off a cliff.

So if I don’t seem very sociable, or lazier than usual to attend meetups or just plain rude or disengaged, you know why. I need time to care for myself before I can care for others.

The greatest love is self-love. It’s time I practice what I preach.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Admire my madness... I said admire! (Madness)

Rage. Anger. Violent tendencies.

There are quite a few words I would like to use to describe how I feel about the people who planted the bombs at the Court Complex in Jalan Duta two days ago. In case you were wondering, the bombs went off shortly after the verdict of a famous case was read out.

They had ball bearings in them. These balls were meant to kill. They were not meant as a warning. They were not meant to merely cause terror.

They were meant to kill.

I honestly do not care about politics at this point. I don’t care what side of the divide you are from.

What I am angry about is that someone thought it would be a fantastic idea to send a message by killing people with a bomb. Someone thought that it would be a great way to instil fear in people.

I am telling them now.

You have not inspired fear in this Malaysian. You have not made me afraid. You have not made me afraid to step out of the house.

You have made me angry.

I doubt you will be caught. I doubt you will be found. But I will do this in revenge.

I will live life well. I will go out with my friends. I will spend time with my family. I will not be afraid to offer hugs to my male and female friends and family when they need it. To hold their hands, to laugh with them. To share their sorrows and comfort them in their time of need. All this, out in the open, where others may see, and perhaps, take comfort and hope. We will laugh at your cowardice. We will laugh at your pathetic attempts. We will live.

I will walk, in the daylight, with my head held high.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Young Miles comforting young Fran (Miles comforting young Fran)

This October, I want to do something other than just turning my blog pink for October. For most of us online, we’re aware that breast cancer exists. The colour dedicated to it is Pink. It affects mainly women, though there are approximately 1% men who suffer from it. In Malaysia, it was estimated in 2005 that 1690 men will be diagnosed with breast cancer. 460 of them will die.

Cancer isn’t something you sexualise. It isn’t something you trivialise. Anyone who’s seen friends and family struggle through cancer will attest to it. To watch your beloved waste away before your eyes while they plead for the pain to stop wrenches your heart. Cancer kills more than just the person who has it. It saps the energy and willpower of everyone around that person.

This October, I want to do more than just raise awareness. I want to raise RM2,000 for MAKNA, aka Majlis Kanser Negara, or in English, the National Cancer Council. To do so, I will be blogging every day with at least one post a day in Breast Cancer Month, October.

Why Makna? Makna focuses not just on raising awareness about cancer, but researching possible cures and treating cancer patients who otherwise may not be able to. Makna also runs a volunteer community program, where participants help cancer patients and their family. Some of these volunteers are there to provide a listening ear. Others may help just by walking and playing games with these survivors.

So if you have a spare change or two, I would like to ask your help in ending cancer. Open your wallets (or-ebanking account) and send some goodwill and money to them. Thank you.

ETA: You can donate to Makna and support my campaign via SimplyGiving! Thank you!


Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Almost to term…

Sunday, August 28th, 2011 02:21 pm
geminianeyes: Smexy Naoya from SMT Devil Survivor (Naoya Glasses)

In June, I turned 27.

This year will mark the first time in over 10 years that I’ve changed jobs three times in less than 8 months.

It will also mark the first time in years that I’ve taken an unofficial break from work. Last year, between May to January of this year, I did not work full-time, but made my way part-timing instead. The results were mixed. I’m not really cut out for freelance, I realise, unless it’s the kind where I can set my own hours doing something routine, like call center customer service. It was an interesting experience. I love being a writer, and doing anything else but that means me being miserable. That’s not to say that writing is completely stress-free or free of pain, but this is a familiar pain that reminds me I’m alive (while I may sound like a maschoist, I would like to assure the reader that I am NOT. I’m not a fan of pain).

The year has also been full of personal landmarks. Mama passed away last year, just after Christmas. Since then, my family has sold off the house and moved into hers. It’s much smaller than my old room, but it feels a bit less impersonal. No, I’ve not felt my grandmother’s spirit haunting me even though I do sleep in her room. I have felt a little bit more lonely though, cause I don’t have my Mama to disturb. It’s the physical things I miss the most; leaning my head against her shoulder, having her pat my head.

It’s all the small little things.


On the geeky side, being a bit more free than usual means I’ve had the time to dip my toes into a few places. Google+ is now one of my favourite places to be, half because I’ve been a bit more selective in the people I add there, and also because it’s much cleaner and nicer compared to Facebook. Social media wise, here’s what I have opened more or less all the time:


In more or less that order. My dad lent me his HTC Incredible S while I am waiting for my phone to be released in Malaysia… *wanders off to check on the availability* And it seems that Canada already has it. BRB clawing at wall. I’ve been waiting for this phone for months, and if it’s really as nice to type as it suggests, then it’ll be a handy backup to my laptop during Nanowrimo. And I can stop making weird typos on Dad’s Incredible S (called Kuro-Keitai temporarily, aka black handphone).

Coming back to the point though, a smartphone really makes engaging in social media a breeze. It’s not something you can ignore anymore if you work for a tech or media company in Malaysia. Nearly all online Malaysians have a Facebook account. Brand-wise, engaging in social media is important, IMHO, if you have a clear idea of what you’re doing. Otherwise, take your time to figure out exactly what you have to do. The key thing to remember about social media when engaging with others as a brand is that you’re not expected to be corporate all the time. You ARE the image your brand promotes, so if the brand’s a hip, grinning, and young-feeling kind of brand, then talk in that way. Don’t be stiff!

*looks back on what has been written*

Ok I think that’s a wrap.

PS: Cookies for those who can guess what the title refers to! :P

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)

Moving house soon. So much stuff to pack! At the same time, so many memories…

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Roses and thorns

Friday, June 24th, 2011 09:59 pm
geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)

I want thorns on my roses. Accepting both the good and the bad in myself. That is how I am made. That is how I shall stay. Nothing more, nothing less.

The thorns add to the charm of the roses. Without it, beauty will be sterile.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Cute sisters from PW as kids (Default)

Heard this story from a friend, and would like an honest opinion on this. If you don’t want your opinion/thought to be publicised, feel free to drop me a LJ note/DM on Twitter/Facebook message.

The question is simple:

Assuming the price is right, would you buy a house which had had a dog in it? If you would, would you also buy a house where there had been religious symbols not of your religion abound? I.e. Statues of Kuan Yin, Christian pictures or Quran pictures on the walls, etc?* Why yes, why not?


*Note that the family is moving out and taking all the religious iconography with them, so the house will be empty when you receive it.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Unwelcome notices

Tuesday, January 25th, 2011 10:55 pm
geminianeyes: Cute sisters from PW as kids (Default)

Cut for senseless ramblings of self.

Read the rest of this entry »

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Cute sisters from PW as kids (Default)

Excuse me while I laugh.

Card 1 (The Moon) : How you feel about yourself now
You feel confused, vulnerable and full of doubts, however, all is not as it seems. Feel the fear and do it anyway, because all will turn out well. Expect the new and unexpected into your life. Your turbulent emotions are muddying the waters so step back and try to find clarity of mind, although this may seem difficult. Things may seem tough or confusing but stick with it, it’s right for you. The Moon is a good omen if you are in a clandestine affair.

Card 2 (Death) : What you most want at this moment
The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is absolute change, to end what you no longer want and start anew. You desire to transform your career or your love life, perhaps your whole lifestyle in general. However catastrophic such changes could be, embracing them will only make you grow in wisdom and experience.

Card 3 (The Tower) : Your fears
You are afraid your world is falling apart, you’re experiencing sudden changes and disruption and you don’t quite know what to do. Perhaps subconsciously you’ve wanted a solution to an issue but didn’t quite expect things to have turned out as they have. Use this change as an opportunity for a new beginning. If you have been planning to move home you will be experiencing setbacks.

Card 4 (The Hermit) : What is going for you
You are instinctively taking time to relax and reflect, drawing on your inner strength and wisdom to guide you through these difficult times. Time is a great healer, so if you don’t know quite what to do now in time you will. The Hermit signals a warning not to make hasty decisions, and if you have been unwell this is a time for rest and recuperation.

Card 5 (The Devil) : What is going against you
It’s like you’re in a drug-induced haze – it feels great and always leaves you wanting more. This is addiction pure and simple, whether it’s an obsessive sexual relationship, money deals that are too good to be true, materialism at any cost or recreational drugs. Take care – it won’t lead to a happy ending.

Card 6 (Strength) : Outcome
Courage and self-belief is what you need to succeed. You may already feel overflowing with this, and if so there’s no doubt you will achieve what you want with your career, finances and love life. If you are feeling negative, look inward for that strength and courage, you know you are capable of having self-belief and you’ll reap great rewards.

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.

Dates and Men

Sunday, August 15th, 2010 01:09 am
geminianeyes: Cute sisters from PW as kids (Default)

I was reading the Star’s Weekender when I came across this article by a “Mark Lee” who lamented that thanks to feminism, men did not know what women wanted anymore. Did they want their man to be chivalrous and pick up the tab? Did they want their man to treat them as equals and share it? Or was it all a guessing game, with the man forever doomed to be the loser for not being able to read a woman’s mind?

According to Lee, he had taken two different approaches with the ladies. For the first date, he had done everything a “gentleman” would have done. That is to say, he picked the restaurant, ordered her food, and paid the bill. She didn’t want to have a second date with him.

For the second girl, he had done quite the opposite. He met her at the restaurant, ordered his food while she was still mulling over hers, and then didn’t see her home safely. She told him he wasn’t charming enough.

So now you have poor Mark Lee wondering just where he went wrong. Oh yes, I forgot to mention, apparently he says this feminism thing has also left his good friend, a feminist who could probably arm wrestle a man into submission, single as she can’t find a guy who would “sweep her off her feet.”

Can you see now why Mark Lee irritates me so?

Reading his entry leads me to conclude one thing: he’s lazy. And rude. And used to being pampered. He reminds me of another guy who says that feminism, at this point in time, is a lie.

Here’s the thing, boys. It’s not about you. When it comes to dating, feminism is simply about one thing, and one thing alone: LISTENING TO THE PERSON YOU ARE DATING. Just as not all men are alike, women are even more varied than men. There is no real formula or ritual you can use for every girl. There is, however, one trick to making things work out if you are serious about it.

God/Nature gave you two eyes and two ears. And a single brain.
Use them, please! Before you go on a date, ask her if she would be comfortable driving there herself or if she would rather you pick her up. Find out what kind of a person she is. CHAT with her. I’m in awe of guys who go on dates without doing this simple background check. If you’re on a blind date, ask the person who arranged the date about whether she’d like you to pick up the tab or if she’d like to go Dutch. After all, you wouldn’t meet with a client without doing some basic background research, right?

Of course, whether you really hit it off with her later that I can’t say. It cannot hurt though, to discover what her boundaries are and to respect them. That shows that you are genuinely interested in them for who they are, which is the best way to score points, no?

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.

January 2015

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