geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)

Tired of your life?
Make different choices.

Tired of feeling fat?
Make different choices.

Tired of not going anywhere?
Make different choices.

Had enough of being mediocre/angry/pitiful etc?
Make different choices.

Unhappy where you are?
Make. Different. Choices.

I’ve stagnated. De-evolving in some ways. It’s not just my personality and actions. It’s my skills and ability. Used to be that I’d take it as a personal affront if the client insists on bad copy. Now if it’s client-approved, can already la.

I can try to pinpoint when this happened and when I started allowing myself to do this, but that’s a futile task. You can’t change the past. I can’t change what I’ve done. What I can do is to ask the why and how. Those are factors I can control, no matter how much I want to deny it.

I can make different choices now and hope it’ll be enough for a better me in the future. That’s all I can do.

In case you’re wondering, I was horribly mortified at something that went through my hands that should not have gone out without me at least checking the quality. I did not. And now I want to bang my head against the wall because of that.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Working Styles

Wednesday, May 15th, 2013 08:24 am
geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)

So it took me just over a few years to come to this point, but while I was in the shower today (and it would be in the shower, why are all the best ideas are while you are in the shower?) I finally realised what my working style is and why I am beginning to hate my job.

I work best when I can concentrate on projects. In other words, I work best when I have a single project/idea to focus on. Yesterday was a pretty good example of it; I found myself genuinely enjoying the projects I had to do and was very resentful when I had to switch from one task in a project to another on short notice. However, I couldn’t submit the project copy completely error-free; too much switching meant that my attention span was pretty bad and I actually made a very glaring grammatical error that my Project Manager caught it.

Coming back to the point, did I mention that I hate social media? Managing it at least. My current workflow is now:

  • Check FB pages for clients in the morning
    1. Write responses to users if necessary
    2. Post updates manually if no updates were scheduled previously/ alternatively monitor contests we are running
    3. Compile and send back to the client if there are issues (most of my clients are in the Fast Moving Consumer Goods business, aka foodstuff and cosmetics, so we do get enquiries fairly often)
  • Work on copy for other projects
  • Create messaging calendar for clients
  • Research trends
  • See what the competitor is doing

I know my other colleagues have way more stuff to handle than I do, but I am feeling very overwhelmed at works. It’s death by a thousand cuts, because most of the time I am in the middle of writing or conceptualising something and then I get called/asked to check the FB page or I check the FB page before I start on my task and then I get distracted because I have to reply to the user or email comes in and I want to strangle the client who has no respect for other people’s time stuff gets pinged to me and I just lose focus.

It’s that breaking of the flow that often causes my distress, and I suspect, the reason why both my attitude and drive to create has plummeted. The stop and go style of driving often kills your car’s fuel consumption and brakes faster than a smooth, long drive, and I think that is what is happening to me.

Goddess, grant me the strength and wisdom I need to overcome this.

Stopping the panic

Wednesday, March 13th, 2013 10:49 pm
geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)

I was talking to my Project Manager today and I realise just how much I’m handling and it all kinda fell apart on me. I will be honest and admit that I have been procrastinating on the things I should be doing at work and it’s not like I don’t like what I’m doing.

It’s that I feel like I am doing too much.

I know of a lot of people who are envious of me and my job description. After all, my job is to basically stay on social media. It’s not that glamourous nor easy of a job. A social media person needs to do quite a lot of things, which on the surface may seem like something that doesn’t take up too much time:

  • Doing messaging calendars which mean scheduling messages in advance and/or getting client’s approval
  • Getting other people to do your graphics
  • Responding to users about your client’s brand
  • Thinking up of ideas to get people to buy into your client’s message and branding
  • Play/do things on FB like check out links etc

I am going to whine here, so stop reading if you don’t want to read anything depressing or self-entitled. Yes I am aware I am being an attention whore, but this is my own blog after all and I think I should be able to whine.

Read the rest of this entry »

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.


Friday, April 29th, 2011 09:40 pm
geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)

Bitterness is a mixture of emotions. It’s one part anger, three parts regret. The anger is fed by the helplessness regret entails. I often feel regret for the things I cannot change, and thus it makes me feel helpless. That leads to rage, which is a self destructive cycle because there is no way to vent that anger, to direct it into an action that will take away the regret.

Channeling emotions from one state to another is not something I can do easily. It’ll spill over from one situation to another, but I can’t exactly channel the energy itself from a situation into another. I can’t turn that energy into something positive unless it’s closely related to the trigger of the emotion.

Which is why it’s just so much easier for me to bitch about how the Government is royally fucking us up without being able to do anything more than retweet.

I’m listening to rainy mood now. It’s calming for me. The noise of the rain with occasional thunder is soothing. It soothes my heart. Makes me remember of times spent in my grandmother’s house, sitting by the door, a cup of milo in my hands, looking outside. Reminds me of cool days with the wind blowing into the house. When coming out after the rain is like literally looking at the world through new eyes. Through a clean glass. Through a world made anew.

I miss the physical sensation of putting my head on my mama’s lap. Or even her shoulder. I miss her hand tapping my thigh to make a point. I miss her smile. I miss her leaning on my arm.

I miss mama.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)

And turn away all possible fans.

As a reader, I’ve boycotted people like George RR Martin and Diana Galbadon for being horrible to their FANS. This is just an a writer being horrible to a reviewer. Yup, not ever reading her.

At least if I do go self-publish, I’ll know what NOT to do.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

I want my mama

Wednesday, January 19th, 2011 08:14 pm
geminianeyes: Cute sisters from PW as kids (Default)

Was driving home from work and was at the junction near my house when I thought to myself; ah, I want to see Mama today! I wanted to tell her about my new job, about the people I met, about the photobooks, and so much more.

Then I remembered, Mama’s no longer here.

It took a few seconds for that to sink it, and when it did, so did the sadness, like a blow to my face. Mama was gone. She’s no longer here. I parked my car quickly and rushed inside the house. No one was at home, not even my brother, for the first time, I can finally give myself over to the tears and grieve. My mama’s gone. Mama’s gone. Mama’s not here anymore.

I cannot remember a time when her presence was unimportant. I can’t remember a time when Mama was not around. I miss sitting next to her, my head on her shoulder, while she pouts on something.

I miss my mama. I want my mama. I want my mama.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Cute sisters from PW as kids (Default)

Things I am thankful for:

Friends who are extremely patient with me.
Family who don’t take shit from other family members.
My grandmother being alive.
That I am still alive.

Oh, and that stuff at the top? That’s what we basically say on Plurk when we’re about to start ranting, so please, feel free to ignore the rest of this post.

Read the rest of this entry »

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.

geminianeyes: Cute sisters from PW as kids (Default)

Via Leslie on LJ.

This is not a joke. I hope someone will tell me that it is, but apparently it’s not.

Someone in Cornell University believes it is PERFECTLY REASONABLE AND A-OK TO REMOVE PARTS OF A GIRL’S CLITORIS. The procedure is done on 7 year olds. I… I don’t even know how to talk about this. It’s… it’s…

*sits in a corner and weeps*

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.

geminianeyes: Cute sisters from PW as kids (Default)

I happened to read this post from the Merch Girl’s blog before I read Haris Ibrahim’s take on a dead Hindu man who was declared a Muslim at the last minute.

The first emotion that came to me was rage. I’m VERY angry at the way those in the position of power will attempt to do anything and everything they can to get money. That, and the fact that according to most of these “Muslims” there needs to be NO sensitivity spared for those mourning the loss of their beloved.

It is as though to these people, that a bereaving family does not deserve to be treated like human beings because they are not humans. That it’s perfectly fine to submit flimsy pieces of evidence (a conversion cert that did not even match the signature of the deceased!) and call that person a Muslim. Did I mention that these monsters also thought it fit to take away a BREAST-FEEDING CHILD FROM HER MOTHER because she was “of the wrong religion” and needed rehabilitation?

I’m sick of being treated like a second-class citizen because some people associate the idea of “Official Religion” with superiority. That debate is halted because calling into question the way Islam is treated in this country is an insult to that religion.

I’m sick of being told what to say, and what I cannot. I’m tired of being insulted. I’m so tired of watching my country get stolen despite the fact that we voted. I’m tired of racists who insist that I must recognise myself as a Malaysian first, but yet insist that they are Malays first before the country.

I’m sick of people who don’t know their jobs trying to tell me what to do. I hate that lies are so common here in Malaysia. That daughters, sisters and mothers who need safety are treated like animals to satisfy animals.

I’m tired of being ignored because I am a woman. I’m tired of watching my sisters be attacked because they are women, and they are women with powerful voices.

I will NOT remain silent. I WILL remember. I WILL SPEAK. I will WRITE. It is the only thing I can do.

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.

Fuck off.

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010 11:13 am
geminianeyes: Cute sisters from PW as kids (Default)

Sick of people misreading what I write, what I say, and what I do.

Fuck off.


Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.


Wednesday, November 4th, 2009 06:50 pm
geminianeyes: Cute sisters from PW as kids (Default)

Dear clients

We have been waiting for you to send us the amendments since this morning. We have also informed you that we go home at six. We are not your slaves. Do not expect us to treat your products with the respect *you* think your products deserve if you cannot even do the same.

We should not have to chase you for YOU to keep your own deadlines. Please do not make promises you cannot keep. It’s a reflection of your own work ethics and how you handle your personal life.

We believe in your product. We truly believe that the product you have IS as good as you claim it is. However, bear in mind it’s hard not to be seen as hypocritical when you cannot deliver what YOU have promised to us.

Please, for the love of God (as far as I know you believe in that God) send us the things we need as you promised. Your flip flops only does injustice to the great product that you have.

With no love

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.

geminianeyes: Cute sisters from PW as kids (Default)

And not have everyone wonder if there’s something wrong with me when I do. I’m a human being too, don’t tell me I’m not allowed to feel moody, bitchy, angry and murderous.

Especially the latter. F*CK you, Asus. Six months’ warranty for a battery? WHAT THE F*CK IS THIS SH*T?

Oh and the ability to flip off certain people too.

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.

geminianeyes: Cute sisters from PW as kids (Default)

Wow. 10 minutes after she left the room, my mom had to come back and give me a lecture about how messy it is. She can’t quite understand how she, a neat freak, ended up having two children who really don’t care what condition their room is as long as they can navigate from point A to point B without poking their eyes or tripping over things.

One of the reasons I keep my room messy is so that my Mom cannot find my things. It’s a leftover relic from days when I’m pretty sure she started going through my stuff as a teenager. I think all mothers do that, whether they want to admit it or not. It would certainly explain some of the things I know my mom wouldn’t have own otherwise. It’s much harder to replicate a messy room when you know where everything is, than it would be to replicate a clean room. Trust me, I’ve been there.

In a weird, twisted way, this is my revenge on her. I don’t feel like I have control over my life with her around. Or even with my father. I understand they worry, but seriously, move on already, won’t you? You’ve already done enough damage by destroying TWO relationships. I suppose if I ask my mom to arrange my marriage, she’ll be all over herself.

And in case you’re wondering, opening up to her is NOT an option. She wants to hear what she wants to hear, and she really refuses to even try coming from my point of view. Talking to her is often an exercise in futility about my friends. I know she’s proud of me, but at the same time she’s also ashamed. She expects me to be something I don’t want to be.

The sad thing is, I understand where she comes from. She has no real friends to speak of, and her behaviour is highly regulated by what she thinks my dad will or will not approve. She’s disappointed by the choices she’s made in life and how they’ve turned out; at 25, I’m still living in the house instead of being happily married to someone and bearing grandchildren for her. At 22, my brother is still leeching off them, and planning to get married to a Sabah girl my parents have never met.

At the end of the day, I think the issue is trust. I cannot trust my mother not to hurt me again, and she cannot trust her daughter to follow her.

Original entry as appearing at Broken Shield and Sword.

Birthday Sighs

Friday, June 12th, 2009 07:40 pm
geminianeyes: Cute sisters from PW as kids (Default)

The below was a rant I wrote about happenings on my birthday. After reading through it, I realised, there’s no use dwelling on the negatives. Really, what does it get you? At the end of the day, what matters are the people I had fun with, so thank you to all my lovely colleagues who celebrated with me, to all the IRC-ians who gave me wishes and presents, and to my family (parents and aunts/uncles and cousins) for being the people they are. More importantly, thank you to all my friends who stood by me and remembered my birthday. >< I apologise if I forget yours.

You can’t choose your relatives, but you can choose how to react to them. And really, is it so bad to be considerate?

Read the rest of this entry »

Original entry as appearing at Broken Shield and Sword.

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