Blank Pages

Trying something different today. I recorded a video of me using my mechanical keyboard and the resulting text is below. I have fixed the post for spelling but that is about it. Enjoy!

Still not convinced you should get a mechanical keyboard? In case you are wondering, the video you are watching is a CM Quickfire Pro video. This keyboard has blue keys and as you can tell, is very clicky. Please do not mind the slow typing speed. I find it a little hard to type when I am thinking fast on my feet about this review.

Usually if I am talking to my friends I can type much faster. If you are wondering why I am so slow, you try typing with a camera between your hands. It is not easy. The setup isn’t the best but this is pretty much what you sill see and get with this keyboard.

I hope you have enjoyed this two minute video. Have a good day! Naoko signing out.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

I’m not a shopaholic.

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Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Image from http://myliteraryquest.wordpress.com/

Writer’s note: Just been swallowed wonderfully in some new beginnings. And it’s also Nanowrimo, so most of you will know that I’ve disappeared into somewhat isolation to concentrate on a new novel. See you in December!

Just wanted to drop off a quick note that yes, I’m still alive. The blog hasn’t been updated in a while, I know, and it’s a combination of being busy at work and doing other writing projects. Just dropping by to tell everyone that yes, I’m alive, and yes, I’m still writing.

With that, back to work I go!

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

When it comes down to it, I think that sex education is directly tied to being comfortable with your body. I don’t mean necessarily that you feel comfortable to put it up on display or even to expose yourself. At its core, knowing how your body works is an incredible sense of empowerment.

You know the phrase, “Knowledge is power?”

Basically that’s it.

The knowledge that you know your body, that you know how it will react, what pushes it to its most efficient, how it helps you get the job done… All this is empowering when you realise just how much information you have.

~~~~~

So what does knowing your body have to do with sex education?

Well, it comes down to basic protection. The thing about sex education is that it is supposed to demystify the process of having sex and/or everything related to reproductive health. And reproductive health is more than simply sex.

What is sex education anyway?

In most definitions, sex education is more than sex. What is sex? It’s a mating activity that two (hopefully) adults partake it. Sometimes there may be more adults. Sometimes there may be only one. Sexual activity varies, but involves one human being (or more) touching themselves to achieve orgasm.

Where do they touch?

Usually the genitals, but there are other parts of the body, called the erogenous zones, which also serve to stimulate sexual desire. In females, such stimulation will lead to the lubrication of the vagina. In males, it will lead usually to the stiffening of the male penis. The desire, when accompanied by physical stimulation, is supposed to peak to the point it culminates in what is called an orgasm.

And now, here we get into a somewhat murky part of the syllabus.

Traditionally, it has been taught that orgasm is the ultimate aim of sex. What makes it murky is that a female’s orgasm is not as obvious as a male’s, and is often thought to be harder to achieve. For males, it is taught that ejaculation is proof of orgasm. Another word for this process is “climax.”

However, while it is true in many cases that orgasm accompanies the male ejaculation, it is not true in all cases. Google says that orgasm is characterised as a feeling of pleasure at sexual climax. In males, it is considered to be an accompaniment to ejaculation. However, in cases of rape and non-consent, it is possible for the body to be sexually stimulated and achieve climax without actually achieving orgasm.

Hands up if you followed me through all that. Good. You know now a little bit more about mechanics of sex than you did before. Would you be surprised to learn that the Malaysian education syllabus doesn’t include that bit of information?

And we haven’t even gotten into the topic of how sex can be pleasurable, how to protect yourself, and taking good care of your reproductive health. We teach our kids about how eating fibrous food is good for their digestion. We teach them that exercise is good for their health. We teach them the importance of keeping clean.

Yet when it comes to their genitals, we are strangely silent. The genitals is another part of the human body. It is used every day, as part of our natural bodily processes. It is as part of us as our arms are. Where is the shame in that? In learning how it works to keep our kids safe?

We tell our kids not to play with knives because they can cut themselves. We teach our kids how to play sports in accordance with the rules so they will keep their limbs intact. Yet we will not arm them with the information they need to make safe reproductive health choices. Are we not failing them as parents? As adults?

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Two little girls innocently playing with pigeons

The two of them were sitting in front of the couch, sullenly apart. Mit ate the popcorn noisily, while Tim was staring intently at the TV. There was nothing really, they could say to each other that hadn’t been said hours before.

So the two of them sat on the couch, staring at the TV but not really watching it, each counting down to the minute before they could finally go to bed. By all accounts, it was too early to sleep.

Not that either one felt like sleeping, but that semblance of normality needed to be kept.

“Are you going to shout at me or not?” Tim finally broke the silence, still not looking at Mit.

Mit continued to eat his popcorn noisily, ensuring he crunched it as loud as he could. If there was ever an image needed for sullen, he was it, with his feet on the couch, face on knees and a huge frown on his face when he was not stuffing it. He simply projected a sulky, silent air that would usually push people away.

But Tim was not like people.

“Mit,” Tim had a way of saying Mit’s name like it was the most precious thing in the world, and that he intended to savour it.

It usually sent shivers up Mit’s spine, and now was no exception. But Mit did not intend to give in, so he just raised his hand and motioned for Tim to stop talking, before continuing his crunching.

Tim sighed, and moved over the couch. He took the bowl and put it on the coffee table in front of them, before putting his arms around Mit and hugging him close. Mit did not attempt to push him away, but he still sat like a curled hedgehog on its back.

There was still a lot of anger and resentment.

“Mit, there’s nothing between us. It was over a long time ago. She wanted to ask me for advice, and that was why we met. That’s all,” Tim explained for the hundredth time. He was keeping count.

“What, so that lunch where she so easily put her hand over yours and you didn’t move it away was casual?” Mit’s voice was biting, sarcastic.

“If you had stayed a bit longer, you’d have seen me pull away and told her never to touch me again. That touch wasn’t innocent, and I won’t lie. But I didn’t encourage her to think so,” Tim hugged and nuzzled Mit. All he wanted was to be as close as he could to Mit.

“Seems like you enjoyed it,” Tim could feel Mit’s body relax a bit, but he did not push the point. He just held on to Mit.

Mit did not move either, letting Tim warm him. There would be time enough for punishment later.

~~~~~

It’s kind of hard and surprising to allow yourself to swim back into the deep end of the ocean after you’ve spent years swimming in the shallow part.

At least, that’s how this relationship feels like.

It’s rediscovering perhaps, that I’m not quite as 2-dimensional that I thought I was. That I am much, much larger than I appeared to myself. That I’m not single piece of paper with specific words and traits associated with them alone.

Basically, I reduced my life to being a single sheet of paper, and now I’m rediscovering that there is much more to myself than I had allowed myself to think possible.

It’s quite refreshing and really incredibly freeing to feel this. To realise this. And more importantly, perhaps, to allow myself this.

I’d forgotten just how much I enjoyed the innocence of curiosity. The pleasure of reading for my own sake, and not because I needed to complete things. The delight in being myself, in letting myself be cute, silly, serious, intellectual, boring, and so much more.

In just being me, without worrying what other people might think about me.

I guess I lost that innocence of being. And now I am slowly finding it back, thanks to the new guy in my life. Or rather, the faith he has in me when I don’t have faith in myself.

Who said you couldn’t restore innocence?

This entry was written for the 100 Themes Challenge. For the full list, click here.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Image of storks from my own collection

The first thing she was aware of was the feel of the gentle breeze caressing her cheek.

It was a constant, gentle thing, a cooling wind to blow away the cares of the day. She found herself breathing easily, enjoying the breeze. Each breath she took brought new aromas, opened her senses to more information about this place.

The scent of wildflowers. Of freshly-cut grass. The cleanliness of a river.

A beautiful meadow, she thought to herself, her mind instantly casting back to when she was just five years old, and her parents had taken her and her brother on a family picnic. That one moment, when she was a child, walking in the tall grass.

“Open your eyes, Alice,” the brimstone voice of the demon broke her reverie.

Alice opened her eyes to find herself standing on a small hill, under the shade of a large yew tree. Around them, she could see people about them, frozen in a moment. Some were running after each other. A few were sitting on picnic blankets, sharing food. She even saw a couple kissing passionately, lovers entwined with each other, forgetting the world. Her cheeks turned red and she looked away.

“You may speak, child,” the demon’s voice seemed to unlock Alice’s lips, and she found the questions tumbling out.

“Where is this? What am I doing here? Why is everyone frozen?” Alice found herself hyperventilating, panic rising in her chest for no reason.

“Breathe, child. You are not in danger here. This…” he waited till Alice had taken two deep breaths and released them before he continued, “Is heaven. A place where those who are sinless and those who have done good, are taken to rest. Frozen, in a moment of time, at their happiest.”

“What… what is it that you wish me to do here then?”

“We want you to destroy Heaven,” she looked at him as though he had gone mad.

He grinned, and sat down. Alice could not help but think how absurd it was, that here, in the sunlight, in what was supposed to be one of the holiest places, a demon, complete with horns, cloven feet, and thin tail, was sitting happily on the ground. And looking up to HER as though she was going to do the impossible.

“What?” she blinked and stared at him.

“Corrupt Heaven, Alice. This is the price you will pay.”

“But how?” she took a few steps back from him and held her hands open wide, to emphasise her words.

“I leave that up to you. Let me know when it begins, hmm?” the demon leant against the Yew tree, closed his eyes, and soon began snoring.

Alice did not dare to even think of running away. She had made a bargain, and she would stick with it. The question that arose, of course, was how do you corrupt heaven?

~~~~~~~

Heaven, they say, is a place on earth.

Or that it’s something you work on. I don’t know. And to be honest, I stopped caring a long time ago.

Heaven, to me, is a state of mind. It’s a moment of bliss, a moment of happiness. A moment where everything clicks. When you feel right, and that everything around you is right. A moment that you would want to freeze. So as to remember it forever.

I don’t want to freeze time.

I know I don’t want to die. I have a lot of things to live for. I always had, I’ve just never had the courage to admit it to myself. But that’s beside the point.

I like the idea of Heaven, but I don’t like what you have to do to get there. That separation is painful. And if there is nothing in this life after death, it is also pointless.

Much better to love and appreciate the people around you instead while they are here. Heaven shouldn’t be a place you wait to meet those who’ve gone before. By the time you’ve found out, it’ll be too late.

Heaven should be a place on earth. Or rather, a person on earth.

Moments of happiness. Of life.

I don’t want to leave this plane. I don’t want to leave my friends, my family, my loves. I want to live here. To be here. Eternal happiness is nothing if the people I care about are not there.

Hell, they say, is other people. But I’m willing to be in Hell if my loved ones are in hell. Because my heaven are the people I care about.

And apparently I can care quite a bit.

This entry was written for the 100 Themes Challenge. For the full list, click here.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Reposted from my G+:

While talking with Masami yesterday, I’ve come to realise that maturity isn’t about being serious and all that. It’s about realising your priorities, being responsible for your own actions AND taking actions to realise your dreams and priorities.

It’s funny. At 30 or close to it, a lot of my girlfriends and I are reassessing our priorities. It’s less about doing what’s fun for the sake of fun but more of doing things to safeguard our family’s futures or give pleasure to our families.

Giving up a holiday to buy a home or to pay off debt doesn’t seem like a sacrifice at all now.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Dancing Snake Lady from the book, Manga Matrix

Needed some inspiration to kickstart the writing juices the other day, so got Nick and Des to give me random numbers. This is the first page, second one’s coming a bit later. Let’s see if this will be a story…

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Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

How we self-sabotage our own selves.

I’ve always been afraid. I don’t know why. I think it’s gotten worse though, over the years. Might need to do a Timeline therapy for this. Find out the cause of my fear, make my peace with it, and let it go.

The fear, this leaden feeling
It sits in a corner of my chest.
Just under my left breast
A heavy, leaden thing.

When I close my eyes
And acknowledge my fear exists
I find myself standing still, sitting still
Nothing moves.

There is no fear, in the traditional sense
No panic, no increased heartbeat, no desire to run
Instead, what there is
Is resigned acceptance that things change for the worse.

It’s a horrible thing, this fear.
Not the kind that makes you scream, cry, shout in horror
No, this fear is infinitely more terrifying
Simply because it is calming.

Fear to keep you where you are
To protect yourself from disappointment
Freezing yourself in that one moment
To keep the self from harm.

I acknowledge this fear.
I acknowledge it exists.
I know the reason for its presence.
And choose to move forward, with its warning.

Fear is the mind-killer
It is also the protector
Minimising risk and increasing survival rate
Fear was once necessary.

You need love to live
But fear to survive
Without one, the other cannot be.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

It was hard watching T4YP earlier today. A lot of unexpected feelings surfaced, especially when you consider some of the subject matter. The first play, about a guy asking the girl for a long distance relationship and the girl saying no, that hurt. Because I know how it feels to pull yourself away because you can’t handle the hurt. And that letting the other person down is just one of the most horrible things you can do.

I loved Kimmy’s performance in this, though I thought she should have smacked the guy a few times for being an idiot.

The second play was about anxiety. Specifically that debilitating fear some people have in public. Ellen’s a girl who forces herself to go to the nearby McDonald’s for lunch, and finds it horribly hard to silence the voice in her head. It’s the same voice that tells her she shouldn’t be out, that she has no business being in public, and finally, the stress gets too much and she tries to run away.

As she’s about to leave without ordering, she sees her acquaintance Olivia walk in. Ellen thinks about saying hi to her, but the inner voice points out that she’s a horrible conversationalist. Ellen finally agrees and is about to leave when Olivia sees her and invites her to sit. Then Olivia plays with her hair, and there’s an awkward silence, during which the voice claims victory. Olivia then leaves Ellen, unable to withstand the awkwardness, but not without inviting Ellen to an audition they’re having soon. Ellen decides to attend, and finally stands up to the voice.

I liked how this ended, but at the same time, I thought it was rather naive and optimistic. I know of people who have this, and well… coming out and facing your fears isn’t always this easy.

Nana’s skit was highly disturbing. Nana makes an offer to her childhood friend, who says no. She jokes about him not liking her, and he says he never said he didn’t. Then he attempts to have sex with her, and Nana runs away. What’s interesting in this play is that there’s an unintended followup. I say unintended because the actor who should have been playing the role in this act and the one in the last act were the same guy, standing in for another actor who could not make it.

The guy was nicknamed “Sexual Harrasment Guy” by the way, by our group. Because between this and the last, he played the guy who tried to assault two girls.

The next play, I think, was a monologue by a guy who was gay. His was a heartbreaking story. However, the actor who played the character was a stand-in and not the original. His performance was good, but it wasn’t great. I spoke to the actor who wrote it, and he had a hairline fracture. Get well soon, Brendan!

I can’t remember if there was another skit between this, but the last skit was about Samson and a prostitute. I mentioned before that the actor from Nana was the same as Samson, and so it wasn’t hard to think the two of them were the one and the same, just that it took place several months apart.

Samson apparently hired a prostitute, but when he lets her into the house and starts talking, it’s obvious that he’s substituting her for something or someone else. What follows is the prostitute (whose name I need to find out) trying all sorts of things to get Samson into the mood. He resists, and insists she start from the shoulders. So she massages him and then tries to educate him about BDSM.

Samson cannot quite get the idea of consent, and she then chokes him in an example of it. He loses his temper, stuffs money in her mouth, and attempts to overpower her. She pulls a knife from her pants and he backs off, terrified. The skit ends with her handcuffing him to the bed, and then she leaves him, with the key JUSTTTTT out of reach.

This was a much darker and more mature material than I expected from such a group, which was rather refreshing. I was a little concerned though, because there were young kids in the audience. However, we didn’t hear any inappropriate questions, so all good.

Overall, T4YP’s Main-Main is a pretty good show, with minimal props and great stage acting. They also prove the point that you don’t need costumes to put on a show. Sometimes all you need is great performances.

Oh, I forgot to mention: To differentiate the different skits, there were these little “commercials” in between. One of my favourite was when a guy who couldn’t pronounce “Apple” went into this 2 minute melodrama dance set to a Chinese ballad, which ended with him saying “Apple” properly. Then there was the one where the guy kept disturbing the girl by poking her, and she responded by slapping him after 3 warnings. I have never quite heard a slap so loud.

There was also a Disney tribute and a Lady Gaga Op and Ed sequence. I enjoyed myself tremendously.

And now, sleep!

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.