Blank Pages

Image of storks from my own collection

The first thing she was aware of was the feel of the gentle breeze caressing her cheek.

It was a constant, gentle thing, a cooling wind to blow away the cares of the day. She found herself breathing easily, enjoying the breeze. Each breath she took brought new aromas, opened her senses to more information about this place.

The scent of wildflowers. Of freshly-cut grass. The cleanliness of a river.

A beautiful meadow, she thought to herself, her mind instantly casting back to when she was just five years old, and her parents had taken her and her brother on a family picnic. That one moment, when she was a child, walking in the tall grass.

“Open your eyes, Alice,” the brimstone voice of the demon broke her reverie.

Alice opened her eyes to find herself standing on a small hill, under the shade of a large yew tree. Around them, she could see people about them, frozen in a moment. Some were running after each other. A few were sitting on picnic blankets, sharing food. She even saw a couple kissing passionately, lovers entwined with each other, forgetting the world. Her cheeks turned red and she looked away.

“You may speak, child,” the demon’s voice seemed to unlock Alice’s lips, and she found the questions tumbling out.

“Where is this? What am I doing here? Why is everyone frozen?” Alice found herself hyperventilating, panic rising in her chest for no reason.

“Breathe, child. You are not in danger here. This…” he waited till Alice had taken two deep breaths and released them before he continued, “Is heaven. A place where those who are sinless and those who have done good, are taken to rest. Frozen, in a moment of time, at their happiest.”

“What… what is it that you wish me to do here then?”

“We want you to destroy Heaven,” she looked at him as though he had gone mad.

He grinned, and sat down. Alice could not help but think how absurd it was, that here, in the sunlight, in what was supposed to be one of the holiest places, a demon, complete with horns, cloven feet, and thin tail, was sitting happily on the ground. And looking up to HER as though she was going to do the impossible.

“What?” she blinked and stared at him.

“Corrupt Heaven, Alice. This is the price you will pay.”

“But how?” she took a few steps back from him and held her hands open wide, to emphasise her words.

“I leave that up to you. Let me know when it begins, hmm?” the demon leant against the Yew tree, closed his eyes, and soon began snoring.

Alice did not dare to even think of running away. She had made a bargain, and she would stick with it. The question that arose, of course, was how do you corrupt heaven?

~~~~~~~

Heaven, they say, is a place on earth.

Or that it’s something you work on. I don’t know. And to be honest, I stopped caring a long time ago.

Heaven, to me, is a state of mind. It’s a moment of bliss, a moment of happiness. A moment where everything clicks. When you feel right, and that everything around you is right. A moment that you would want to freeze. So as to remember it forever.

I don’t want to freeze time.

I know I don’t want to die. I have a lot of things to live for. I always had, I’ve just never had the courage to admit it to myself. But that’s beside the point.

I like the idea of Heaven, but I don’t like what you have to do to get there. That separation is painful. And if there is nothing in this life after death, it is also pointless.

Much better to love and appreciate the people around you instead while they are here. Heaven shouldn’t be a place you wait to meet those who’ve gone before. By the time you’ve found out, it’ll be too late.

Heaven should be a place on earth. Or rather, a person on earth.

Moments of happiness. Of life.

I don’t want to leave this plane. I don’t want to leave my friends, my family, my loves. I want to live here. To be here. Eternal happiness is nothing if the people I care about are not there.

Hell, they say, is other people. But I’m willing to be in Hell if my loved ones are in hell. Because my heaven are the people I care about.

And apparently I can care quite a bit.

This entry was written for the 100 Themes Challenge. For the full list, click here.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

So am here on a Sunday morning to watch Dimmie fence. It’s her first tournament after taking up fencing this year, so decided to follow because I’m a busybody and because I’m curious.

What I’ve learnt so far is that fencing has 3 different kinds of competitions. Dimmie is taking part in the épée, which, in her own words, is “go in, stab, get point!” It’s the easiest of the three. The other two are the saber and the foil. For those two, there’s a rule called “right of way.” You basically need to get right of way to get a point.

Epée thus is like checkers. Some strategising but it’s fairly straightforward. Right now I’m waiting for her to take her turn. There’s only 8 fencers though, compared to I think 20 for the men earlier, so things should go faster? :P

So right now we are waiting for the women to get started. The women got started at about 11am and it’s almost 12. There’s been at least 5 bouts apiece for each. The points and rules are simple.

Land a hit, score a point. First person to 5 wins. You have a 3 minute time limit. Most matches take about 1.5 to 2 minutes. So it’s been fairly quick matches.

One of the interesting observations I’ve seen is that there are really competitive women here. One participant, in the middle of a match with DImmie, remarked to bystanders that she “didn’t want to do this (fencing) anymore.” Talk about frustration.

Now we see whether we continue through lunch or if something else comes up.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Someone in Malaysia had the zombie virus. It spread fast.

Read the rest of this entry »

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

http://indiegogo.com/sanfranplan

So with all the other stuff happening around me (especially family crisis and floods) I haven’t been able to put as much of an effort on the San Fran Plan as I could. There is a website being set up with more info on my project and affiliate links, but I’m waiting on the designer to get back to me (she says she’s nearly done). But other then that, there is a lot of work to be done to make this happen in time.

I’ve had a LOT of positive feedback on the project, especially from people in San Francisco – but not as much money coming in. Some promises, but nothing materialised yet. My first goal is to get $650 for my deposit to CELLspace, which I still owe – this confirms my attendance. Then it’s $2000 for the airfare. The rest of the fees I can earn over time, but those are the biggest priorities.

Things I need help with:

Funding sources – due to bridging visa issues, I am not eligible for Australian grants or scholarships. I haven’t found any American grants that I qualify for (also due to residency). I did apply for $1000 from the Awesome Foundation but haven’t heard anything. If you hear of any other possible sources for money please let me know.

Media promo, especially blogs – I would like to send out a press release to various queer, politics, porn, local, arts media in Australia and the US but I do need help writing something up. I also would like my project posted on related blogs – for example, Becky Hunter’s interview of me. I do have at least one relatively famous person who’s promised to do a blog post, but again promises and results are two different things. So if you have any favourite columnists or bloggers that you think will like the San Fran Plan, please recommend it to them!

Sponsorship resources – it would help a ton if portions of the trip, especially the flight, could be sponsored. I’ve tried to contact Virgin but no dice, haven’t heard from AirAsia/Tony Fernandes, and may hit up Qantas soon. If you know of any companies that are willing to sponsor me or vouch for me or help me out, please pass my details on. What could be handy, for example, is them paying for my residency fees as a donation to CELLspace (maybe it can be tax-free??)

Jobs, freelance work, being hired – I’m open to any sort of suggestion, including things like modelling or webcamming, so long as it’s legit and pays OK. Here’s my LinkedIn profile for resumes. I can work in Brisbane, online, or elsewhere if travel expenses are covered.

Patrons, sugar mummies, mystery benefactors – you get the idea.

Donations! – of course! Every dollar helps!

Please pass this on – reblogs, retweets, emails, however you like. Every little bit helps for sure. Thank you so much!

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

I came up with this while reading Shiro’s plurk. :3 Thoughts?

Overarching plot:
A demon sleeps in their village who haunts the dreams of twins. He is in love with the MC who is the reincarnation of his love, but she does not love him back. Rather, she was the one who sealed him away, and if he is unleashed, he will take revenge on all those who had imprisoned him. Said MC is also the descendent of the woman, strictly speaking perhaps one of the demon’s descendents? An angel is sent to ensure that the demon will not be released.

Cut to save the Flist.

Read the rest of this entry »

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

*blows dust off journal* Hello! How’s everyone feeling today? Good? Glad to hear that. So now you can make yourself comfy and read this long ass update. XD

So, I’ve been going through this Meta-NLP course for the past few days. NLP is short for Neuro-Linguistic Programming, which basically says that all the resources you need to be successful or to achieve your goals in life is there with you. It’s a matter of accessing and realising that the resources are there for you to use that you need to be aware of. 

It’s day 4 today and we’re learning about meta-states. My understanding of this is simply thinking about thinking. For example, someone cuts into your lane. You feel angry that someone did so. Then you think to yourself, “wait, why am I being angry?” It’s examining your reactions to an event. It simply drives home the conclusion that it’s very normal to feel emotions. Feeling angry, sad, happiness, frustration, disappointment, all these are normal. It’s normal to feel. Productive even, in some cases (note that we’re talking mainly about feeling. Whether a person actually demonstrates it is another matter entirely). 

Talking about meta-states is not the reason I’m sitting here in front of the comp skipping lunch because I had a heavy breakfast though.  

It’s just that I wanted to bring you a simple message.

Have you given yourself permission to be awesome? Did you think about allowing yourself to be the person that you want to be? That you know you CAN be? 

Have you simply said to yourself, “I give myself permission to be awesome” and then let nature takes it course?

I’m writing this entry with one particular friend in mind, but perhaps you can apply it to all other areas in your life. I’m not saying that this will be a mantra and that your life will be smooth sailing after this (if I did, someone lock me up because we all know that life doesn’t happen that way). Rather, I want to ask, when was the last time YOU felt awesome? Remember that time, let your body feel it again. 

Now put it out of your mind. And go about your day as normal. Let awesomeness come to you. 

Tell me what happens later ya?

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.

Got this from a friend:

Hello Friends,

I would like to draw your attention for a quick second to something that is near and dear to my heart – helping to end the long and cruel reign of NF 2 and to finally be set free from the menacing shackles of NF 2 that we are trapped in from the moment we are diagnosed with this wretched illness.

As you may know, I was diagnosed with Neurofibromatosis Type 2 at an early age. It is a genetic condition marked by various benign (and sometimes cancerous) tumors that grow on the nervous system, that includes the brain and the spine – two extremely important centers within our bodies for everyday functioning. To give you an idea of what we go through, let us start with a tumor that is inherently present within almost all who are diagnosed with NF 2; the tumor that grows on the hearing nerve. During our early 20s, we succumb to losing not just our hearing but our sense of balance coupled with suffering the consequences of facial paralysis (such as the inability to smile or worse yet, the inability to shut our eyes completely which leads to severe dry eyes. If not treated with eye lubricants on a daily basis, we may lose our vision as well because it’s very important that the corneas of our eyes stay lubricated).

For me personally, I have had a myriad of surgeries to remove these tumors since I was 9 years old. Each time, I had to climb my way out of that pit of despair. With each surgery, I lost a little piece of me forever. I was constantly barraged with teases as a child from my school peers. I even suffered the misfortune of having my spine compromised by an overly confident and unapologetic neurosurgeon. As a result, if it wasn’t for the miraculous hands of my orthopaedic surgeon in India, I would not be here right now. However, I have clung on very tightly over the years to the adage which I have come to respect, that is that “there is always a way to survive what seems insurvivable”.

I learned to look at NF in a different light. It taught me many things, things which some people will never learn, never come full circle with, no matter how brittle their bones get! I learned at a very early age who was my friend and who was not, I learned to prioritize the important things in life, I learned to be comfortable in my own skin, I learned not to waste time on what seems frivolous as time on earth is very short, I learned never to take life for granted, I learned that Faith is not the belief that God will do what I want but instead the belief that God will do what is right for me. When I look at my reflection in the mirror and see all the bumps and scars on my body, I no longer stare at them in anguish but rather, every bump and every scar on my body is a reminder that I have fought a long and hard battle with NF 2 – and I have won. I even found a man who could care less about the “flaws” on my body, a man who would never leave my side no matter what happens to me, I realize how rare that is and indeed I am grateful that God had such a person in mind in His plans for me.

May it be known that NF is commonly mistaken as a “rare genetic disorder”. NF is THE MOST COMMON GENETIC CONDITION, more common than cystic fibrosis, duchenne muscular dystrophy and Huntington’s disease combined. How many times have you heard about these conditions on TV, in the newspaper?

Thankfully, the scientific and medical community has evolved and is making rapid progress to finding a prevention or a cure for NF. For instance, I am participating in a study in America where a team of researchers study the progress of NF in many people across the spectrum in the hopes of understanding Neurofibromatosis a little better. I had the previlege of meeting the head researcher, Dr. Ashok Asthagiri. I think he is a remarkable human being, at just 35, he has devoted his entire career to understanding the effects of this deadly disease. I have never met a more down-to-earth neurosurgeon, his ability to empathize and connect with all his patients is very much a rare trait found in doctors today.

Anyway, on to the point of my letter, I certainly hope you are still reading by the way. There are many of us who are fighting hard for a cure for NF and I had the honor of meeting a woman who climbed Mt. Kilamanjaro and made a movie out of it in the hopes of raising funds for research and spreading awareness despite being burdened with all the disabilities that NF 2 brings. Rebecca did not reach the summit of Mt. Kilamanjaro, but as I have said many times to many people that she has indeed accomplished the very summit of her purpose. How many abled-bodied people have done what she has? I am awe-struck and inspired to know someone as brave as she is, she suffered through Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, multiple brain surgeries and a spine surgery as a result of NF 2 but as you can see, she has unwaivering strength. Let us not forget the many others who have it much worse than Rebecca, but are weathering each storm as it comes.

As such, I humbly request that you visit http://helpstopnf2.org/ and kindly make a donation to Help Stop NF2. Please remember that NF 1 occurs in 1 : 3000 births…..1 : 3000 births. NF 2 in 1 : 25,000 births…These are jarring statistics and please let these facts slowly sink in. I may not see the cure in my lifetime, but I cannot bear to see another child endure this hardship. I have even made the decision to forego the experience of motherhood, if it means I can spare my child of this deadly illness. Please make a donation, even if it is a small one as many small ones can go a long way.

Please remember, your child may be next.

Thank you very much for all your help.

Blessings,
Keisha Somasundram Petrus

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.

SATIRE/HUMOUR/SILLY THING AHEAD. You have been warned.

This all started as a joke. You see, a few days ago I misread a tweet from a friend. She was writing about the “tentacles of psychology.” I misread it as “psychology of tentacles.” In my defence, I had just woken up when I saw that tweet. So, in true style, said Twitter Friend, fondly called Tentabunny, decided to take the concept and run away with it.

This is where we stand:

Inquiry Founder: Naoko (aka me)
Pioneering Psychologist (aka lead researcher): Neon
Test subject: Tentabunny!

Class: Ikan Billys, Sairen, Caxi

Potential student: Caxi

Suggested readings:

Basic Tentacology
Portrayal in olden Japan
Modern Revival
Tentacle as Replacement Penis?

Get to class, people!

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.

Was so full of lulz and drama! But she’s safely on the plane now, and I’m glad that she’s living her dream. So here’s to Deru! Have fun in Japan, study hard, and we’ll see you soon!

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.

GONG XI FA CAI! Have a merry year of the Tiger, everyone!

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.