Today was one of those days when I felt really depressed and angry at the world. Not to mention useless and being overall despondent at my ability to cope with work. Basically I feel like I am drowning, and everyone is simply looking at me drown.

However, literally getting out of the office and talking to people I rarely talk to did wonders for my mood. That and a 20 minute run. Didn’t get too far with it, but I’m finding my body responding on a way I did not know it could. That’s always an awesome thing.

Then this appeared in my inbox.

I never thought to look at my working hours that way. The way my current responsibilities go, it feels a lot like death by a thousand paper cuts. I move from one task to another in the hopes I can finish them before the clock runs out, but as I discovered today, that is at best, a futile hope.

So I am going back to basics. I am going back to focusing on one task at a time. One step, one project, at a moment. None of this nonsense of a million places at once. I can multi-task, but only if my brain is not working on it. So a literal step back, and more focused thoughts will work much better.

And because I really need to remind myself:

a. Break everything down into tiny pieces FIRST. One step at a time. Control your panic, and breathe. We can get through this.
b. Work on it chronologically. You know the steps, you always have. Don’t jump from one task to another. We both know your mind doesn’t work that way. Step by step. One feet in front of the other. That is how we have always been.
c. Off time is sacred, but it is not just play. Write, woman. We both feel it when you don’t. *kick*
d. Even if you think it won’t help, exercise. We both know you love the feeling. SO GO AND FEEL, DANGNABIT!
e. Final note: Their choices are not yours. Their stories are not yours. Yours is not their story. So yes, it’s completely ok to feel all those things. Joy, despair, hope, annoyance, everything is normal. Everything is working as it should be. Theirs is not your path. Your path is not theirs, no matter how much they try to make it seem.

My dearest, darling, you know what feels right. How it feels right. No one can take that away from you unless you let them. Release, and breathe. It’s fine. Let go.

And live.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

If you want to test just how versatile and diverse a music library supposedly is, you must ensure that they have Malaysian artists. And they must have these artists/songs:

Sheila Majid
Man Bai’s Kau Ilhamku
Mawi
Pop Shuvit

I am blown away by the fact that Grooveshark has all these (of course, that they have smaller JPop artists is no biggie). Seriously, wow. In summary too, according to (who recc’ed the site to me in the first place), you can create playlists from songs that aren’t your own but are in the library, so that’s always means you can compile a playlist to be listened to on your comp later.

Note though, to listen to these songs on other devices means that you have to pay a subscription fee of at least USD6 monthly but if it’s just PC, that’s free. Also, having Adblock Plus is a godsend when surfing that site. :D

ETA: Well well, they also have game OSTs. Including Gyakuten Kenji and Saiban. @@

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Ok, everyone knows that Air Asia is flying to Haneda Airport in Tokyo. I did a random check for a flight in June 2011, near the weekend of my birthday just to get an idea of the prices:

RM 1,530 for a two way air ticket, including airport tax and charges. Surprisingly the fees for the latter are not as expensive as I thought they would be. It’s RM 25 from LCCT to Haneda and RM 117 from Haneda back to KL. I completely expect the fees to go up during Golden Week and the Spring period but all that aside, it’s quite cheap! Not to mention being at Haneda means that getting into Tokyo will be perhaps only 30 minutes instead of the usual 2 hours (or so Deru tells me).

Hmm… This is certainly much cheaper than I thought, but still within the original budget of RM5k to visit Japan for one week. We shall see. Eh, Neon, are we still on for the Japan tour? XD Who else was supposed to come with me?

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.

Been meditating almost on a constant basis for the past 6 weeks. 43 days if I’m not wrong, though if you consider the days I missed it would be perhaps closer to 35 days or so? In any case, I been doing Primordial Sound Meditation over the past few weeks and the results have been nothing if not interesting.

Some things that have happened so far:

Physically:
Blood pressure dropped. Either I was 120/90 or 120/70 before I began meditation, but a recent checkup showed my blood pressure to be 110/70. Which, I am told, is extremely low. However, I don’t have dizzy spells, but I’ll be on the lookout for that. On another note, physical exercise actually complements the meditation; while meditation activates my mind by making it be still, gymming has exhausted my body, so when I rest, I am really resting.

Intuition:
My intuition seems when it comes to every day things have been getting a little bit sharper. Exhibit A: Internet connection in the office. I’ve counted at least 3 days when I’ve gotten the nagging feeling to bring my home connection to the office and I’ve obeyed it twice. In all three times (including the time when I didn’t bring it) my judgement was sound. With regards to laptops, it is also the same. At least twice I’ve been moved to bring my laptop. Both times said laptop was needed. Though currently said laptop is rebelling. ‘._.\

Wishlist:
Now this… I’m not quite sure how to describe. My greatest wish has yet to come true, but I suspect it’s not for the want of trying. However, there has been quite a few meaningful coincidences happening in my life. Some are funny, one is scary. XD The main one I had was the day after I bought the concealer. Was so happy playing with it before I went to work that what happened at the end of the day made me facepalm. An Account Manager requested my help to proofread a beauty and makeup webstore proposal.

The scary one is not quite related to my current project, but it is to my hobby. Most people know that I want to be a novellist and that I do want to be published. What happened was a few weeks ago, I meditated with the intention of finishing Celefina. Starting new projects is easy for me. It’s finishing them that’s always the hard bit. So I meditate with that intention.

Several days ago, a friend put me in touch with a published Malaysian author who’s looking for freelancers to help with his latest book. And who’s also more than willing to teach me a thing or two about publishing in Malaysia. Can you see me flailing here?

Conclusion:
So um… yes. Meditation. Don’t mess with it yo. XD

PS: My immune system seems to be working overtime. I rarely feel like falling sick, though I’d want an MC now and then. Instead I recover very quickly from any illnesses. Hmm…

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.

Some stuff that Tiara and Jhameia linked to over the weekend/sleepy Monday Morning:

So… gender studies are useless, say some Harvard kids.

And apparently verbal consent must be denied for some young men to take a “no”… which can be ignored if the body language’s to their liking.

Fantastic fail on Metafiler about US-ians and their fail.

One more post I forgot to add: Apparently, Japan deserves another nuke because they have anime. The amount of fail is just…

And for today’s WIN post: Please to subscribe/get ideas from Steampunk Nusantara, especially if you be a fan/writer of Steampunk.

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.

I’m crossposting this because I think Ela and Karcy, the most vocal feminists on my F-list, would be interested in this.

This was a very interesting post written by Chris. Here’s my answer to parts of his post:

Read the rest of this entry »

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.

I remember that day clearly. It was a Malay language class, and the teacher was teaching about the legend of Che Siti Wan Kembang, the fierce female ruler of Kelantan. I was in Standard 3, which meant I was nine years old. The first time I heard about Siti Wan Kembang though, I was in Standard 1. Sometime in the middle of August, we were finally taught about Che Siti Wan Kembang.

Che Siti Wan Kembang and her daughter, Puteri Saadong (or Princess Saadong in English) were the only female rulers in antiquity mentioned in history books. In Malaysian history, before Malacca was founded, most of the action was found in the Northern States. Kelantan, Terengganu, Kedah, then later Perlis and Penang were under the dominion or threat of Siam.

Among all the rulers who bended, bribed, cajoled and rebelled against the old empire of Siam, only one family stood up to Siam. Only two women, as far as I could remember, did not let Siam bully them. These women taught their sisters and daughters of Kelantan how to be fierce. How to fight for what they wanted, and screw anyone who didn’t let them.

The tigers of Kelantan, so feared by the other Malay women, were said to be the fiercest in the land. Mothers told their sons not to marry Kelanatanese women, for they were fierce, demanding, and headstrong. Did I mention that some said these women were the fairest in the land?

Looking back, I think they were the original feminists in Malaya.

Che Siti Wan Kembang was a fearsome ruler whom no one dared to bully. She never married, and because of her independence, some say she was a practitioner of the arcane arts. Her adopted daughter, Puteri Saadong, enamoured the then ruling King of Siam. This is where my memory and Wikipedia diverge. Wiki says that she became a concubine of King Narai. My memory tells me that the King of Siam spent seven years persuading her to do so, but her steadfast loyalty to her cousin impressed him. In the end, he sent her back to her husband with gifts of gold and handmaidens.

One thing Che Siti and Puteri Saadong had in common was their love of the hunt. I cannot remember what happened to Che Siti, but an old movie I watched as a child told the story of Puteri Saadong’s return. She found that her husband had betrayed her. Instead of waiting for her return as he promised, he had slept with her handmaiden. In a fury, she chased him out of the castle, and then shot him in the ear. He was not killed, but died as a coward.

These myths are disappearing. The story of the strong women is being replaced by the pure victim. The legend of Mahsuri supposedly mirrors Siam’s invasion of Langkawi. It portrays its main heroine as a woman who’s forced to die to prove her innocence. Her fate is in the hands of men, whereas the Kelantanese women brooked no such thing.

The easiest way to subjugate a nation is to remove anything that gives them strength. Impress the women that they are victims and they need to bend to men, and you’ll get Malaysian History.

Where is my Che Siti Wan Kembang? Where is my Puteri Saadong? Give me women who stand up for themselves, not bend to the wills of others!

Do you remember any other Malaysian (need not actually be Malay, yes I’d love to have examples from Sabah and Sarawak too!) women of yore who had these qualities? Tell me! Let their stories be heard, let their voices ring out. We cannot forget them.

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.

This is an incomplete list for Montimer of Twitter (links go to his site and Twitter respectively). From what I know, some movies are still banned, while others have never been promoted because we never knew they existed. The advent of the Internet and intrepid VCD sellers in Malaysia have hurt both the government’s pocket and their reputation. In some cases, the movies, while banned from being shown in the cinema, was subsequently either available on DVD (legally) or on satellite TV (Astro).

Montimer, please bear in mind I’m writing this from memory (reactions to the movies at least). Joicy and Chris can you double confirm for me please?

Recent movies that have been banned:

Nearly all of Yasmin Ahmad’s Orked films at one point or other
This covers the first three movies she made; Sepet, Rabun, Gubra.

Sepet was kept in limbo for two months or more, because it dared a romantic relationship between a Chinese and a Malay without the Malay girl persuading the guy to convert to Islam (This was one of the many contentious points of the MCB- Malaysian Censorship Board). It was later allowed to show in the cinemas, becoming one of the sleeper hits for that year (can’t remember the year now). Current status: Limited circulation in DVD shops.

Rabun was banned shortly after it was shown on terrestial TV, as many male chauvinistic pigs in Malaysia who called themselves Muslims had a hard time understanding why an elderly man (who seems to be the embodiment of them in their old age) would stoop to washing his elderly wife’s feet. In their opinion, it should have been the the other way around, as a woman is supposed to be subservient to a man. Current status: Unavailable anywhere, even on the Internet.

Gubra was banned for a short while also, because the bilal (sp?), a religious man or alternatively the imam (priest) of the village temple was shown to be petting a dog, something the Sunni Muslims in Malaysia believe to be unclean. There was also a lot of moral issues that were resolved NOT the way the powers-that-be liked, which of course, increased the demand of this film.  Current status: Limited availability in DVD shops.

Zoolander:
Current status: Still banned in Malaysia and not shown on Satellite TV.

Kill Bill: Vol 1
Current status: Still banned and not shown on Satellite TV, due to excessive violence.

Brokeback Mountain
Current status: Still banned and not shown on Satellite TV, due to its homosexual content.

Borat
Current status: Still banned and not shown on Satellite TV (the reasons for this is kinda obvious).

All the Saw movies
Current status: Still banned and not shown on Satellite TV, due to excessive violence.

High School Musical 3
Current status: As far as I know, this movie has been released in Malaysia and shown in both Cinemas and satellite TV. However, my brother tells me different.

Invasion, Changeling, Watchmen (censored humourously), Haunting in Connecticut, Hangover, Dead Silence, Max Payne, Wanted
Current status: All were shown in the Cinemas, and if I’m not wrong, are available on DVD (I saw Wanted in the cinema. Mmmm James McAvoy).

Zack and Miri make a Porno
Current status: Still banned and not shown on Satellite TV, mainly due to the title.

The Harold and Kumar Series
The first movie was shown on Satellite TV and the other was shown on both Satellite TV and apparently enjoyed a short run in the cinema. Current status: Available on DVD and shown on Sat

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.