geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)
2015-01-11 12:02 am
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Dad got me a Hermes Media 3

It’s basically this, by the way.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)
2015-01-01 10:03 am
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2014: A reflection

Simply woven, easily told
The day is done, the year is old
No more stories, no more lingering
Tis time for bed, time for dreaming.

The flower that blooms in autumn is brighter still
The flower that blooms in summer sweeter still
The flower that bursts in spring, livelier still
The flower that buds in winter, lonelier still.

Winds of change, winds of gold
The horse gallops where it will
Settle down, settle fast
Claim your field before you till.

The year is new, the kiss is sweet
Memories remain till merry meet
Of new beginnings and bitter endings
Of light found in darkness ending.

Good night good night forevermore
Goodbye goodbye till the greetings roar
You will not be missed, 2014
But we’ll remember your lessons, not throw them to the bin.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Is ded please send coffee (Is ded send coffee)
2014-10-21 06:05 pm

Sex Education Part 1?

When it comes down to it, I think that sex education is directly tied to being comfortable with your body. I don’t mean necessarily that you feel comfortable to put it up on display or even to expose yourself. At its core, knowing how your body works is an incredible sense of empowerment.

You know the phrase, “Knowledge is power?”

Basically that’s it.

The knowledge that you know your body, that you know how it will react, what pushes it to its most efficient, how it helps you get the job doneā€¦ All this is empowering when you realise just how much information you have.

~~~~~

So what does knowing your body have to do with sex education?

Well, it comes down to basic protection. The thing about sex education is that it is supposed to demystify the process of having sex and/or everything related to reproductive health. And reproductive health is more than simply sex.

What is sex education anyway?

In most definitions, sex education is more than sex. What is sex? It’s a mating activity that two (hopefully) adults partake it. Sometimes there may be more adults. Sometimes there may be only one. Sexual activity varies, but involves one human being (or more) touching themselves to achieve orgasm.

Where do they touch?

Usually the genitals, but there are other parts of the body, called the erogenous zones, which also serve to stimulate sexual desire. In females, such stimulation will lead to the lubrication of the vagina. In males, it will lead usually to the stiffening of the male penis. The desire, when accompanied by physical stimulation, is supposed to peak to the point it culminates in what is called an orgasm.

And now, here we get into a somewhat murky part of the syllabus.

Traditionally, it has been taught that orgasm is the ultimate aim of sex. What makes it murky is that a female’s orgasm is not as obvious as a male’s, and is often thought to be harder to achieve. For males, it is taught that ejaculation is proof of orgasm. Another word for this process is “climax.”

However, while it is true in many cases that orgasm accompanies the male ejaculation, it is not true in all cases. Google says that orgasm is characterised as a feeling of pleasure at sexual climax. In males, it is considered to be an accompaniment to ejaculation. However, in cases of rape and non-consent, it is possible for the body to be sexually stimulated and achieve climax without actually achieving orgasm.

Hands up if you followed me through all that. Good. You know now a little bit more about mechanics of sex than you did before. Would you be surprised to learn that the Malaysian education syllabus doesn’t include that bit of information?

And we haven’t even gotten into the topic of how sex can be pleasurable, how to protect yourself, and taking good care of your reproductive health. We teach our kids about how eating fibrous food is good for their digestion. We teach them that exercise is good for their health. We teach them the importance of keeping clean.

Yet when it comes to their genitals, we are strangely silent. The genitals is another part of the human body. It is used every day, as part of our natural bodily processes. It is as part of us as our arms are. Where is the shame in that? In learning how it works to keep our kids safe?

We tell our kids not to play with knives because they can cut themselves. We teach our kids how to play sports in accordance with the rules so they will keep their limbs intact. Yet we will not arm them with the information they need to make safe reproductive health choices. Are we not failing them as parents? As adults?

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Smexy Naoya from SMT Devil Survivor (Naoya Glasses)
2014-09-29 06:29 pm
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008: Innocence

Two little girls innocently playing with pigeons
Two little girls innocently playing with pigeons

The two of them were sitting in front of the couch, sullenly apart. Mit ate the popcorn noisily, while Tim was staring intently at the TV. There was nothing really, they could say to each other that hadn’t been said hours before.

So the two of them sat on the couch, staring at the TV but not really watching it, each counting down to the minute before they could finally go to bed. By all accounts, it was too early to sleep.

Not that either one felt like sleeping, but that semblance of normality needed to be kept.

“Are you going to shout at me or not?” Tim finally broke the silence, still not looking at Mit.

Mit continued to eat his popcorn noisily, ensuring he crunched it as loud as he could. If there was ever an image needed for sullen, he was it, with his feet on the couch, face on knees and a huge frown on his face when he was not stuffing it. He simply projected a sulky, silent air that would usually push people away.

But Tim was not like people.

“Mit,” Tim had a way of saying Mit’s name like it was the most precious thing in the world, and that he intended to savour it.

It usually sent shivers up Mit’s spine, and now was no exception. But Mit did not intend to give in, so he just raised his hand and motioned for Tim to stop talking, before continuing his crunching.

Tim sighed, and moved over the couch. He took the bowl and put it on the coffee table in front of them, before putting his arms around Mit and hugging him close. Mit did not attempt to push him away, but he still sat like a curled hedgehog on its back.

There was still a lot of anger and resentment.

“Mit, there’s nothing between us. It was over a long time ago. She wanted to ask me for advice, and that was why we met. That’s all,” Tim explained for the hundredth time. He was keeping count.

“What, so that lunch where she so easily put her hand over yours and you didn’t move it away was casual?” Mit’s voice was biting, sarcastic.

“If you had stayed a bit longer, you’d have seen me pull away and told her never to touch me again. That touch wasn’t innocent, and I won’t lie. But I didn’t encourage her to think so,” Tim hugged and nuzzled Mit. All he wanted was to be as close as he could to Mit.

“Seems like you enjoyed it,” Tim could feel Mit’s body relax a bit, but he did not push the point. He just held on to Mit.

Mit did not move either, letting Tim warm him. There would be time enough for punishment later.

~~~~~

It’s kind of hard and surprising to allow yourself to swim back into the deep end of the ocean after you’ve spent years swimming in the shallow part.

At least, that’s how this relationship feels like.

It’s rediscovering perhaps, that I’m not quite as 2-dimensional that I thought I was. That I am much, much larger than I appeared to myself. That I’m not single piece of paper with specific words and traits associated with them alone.

Basically, I reduced my life to being a single sheet of paper, and now I’m rediscovering that there is much more to myself than I had allowed myself to think possible.

It’s quite refreshing and really incredibly freeing to feel this. To realise this. And more importantly, perhaps, to allow myself this.

I’d forgotten just how much I enjoyed the innocence of curiosity. The pleasure of reading for my own sake, and not because I needed to complete things. The delight in being myself, in letting myself be cute, silly, serious, intellectual, boring, and so much more.

In just being me, without worrying what other people might think about me.

I guess I lost that innocence of being. And now I am slowly finding it back, thanks to the new guy in my life. Or rather, the faith he has in me when I don’t have faith in myself.

Who said you couldn’t restore innocence?

This entry was written for the 100 Themes Challenge. For the full list, click here.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)
2014-09-04 10:47 pm
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Desire vs want

I find desire to be a very powerful word. To me, it has more connotations, more strength, than just a want. A want is something you would like to have, but you can’t have right now, for whatever reason. And you’re aware of it, and you realise that it’s not necessary. It’s not something that will spur you to action. It’s just… there. And a want can be ignored. It can be tied up with necessity, but more often than not, it’s often something you’d just want to improve on.

A desire on the other hand, now this is something else entirely. There’s a certain sensuality in the way desire sounds, in the imagery it evokes. A need, perhaps, is to drink something to quench your thirst. Want is to have something cold to swallow, perhaps a cool isotonic drink. A desire, on the other hand, may be to have that drink served to you in a tall chilled wine glass rimmed in gold. With the fragrance of blueberries wafting up your nose as you sip.

And that’s just the imagery it evokes. Desire, in contrast to a want, is to me something active. When you desire something, you go out and make it happen. Or you get someone to help make it happen. It dresses up a want into something more. Makes it respectable. Take this exchange, for instance:

“I want that car in my garage,” said the Shah.

“Ah, now that, sire, is a very good choice. Perhaps… we could discuss the price privately?” the dealer replied, rubbing his hand in glee.

Compare it instead, to this.

“I desire that car,” said the Shah.

“It is yours, sire. If you would step this way, we could get the arrangements out of the way…?” the dealer could not abase himself fast enough.

A desire, I suppose if we go by the exchange above, also means that you would not be putting a price onto what you want. It’s an active component after all, not a passive one. Desire makes you go do things, because you feel you deserve it, that it’s something you should have after an ordeal. Want, on the other hand, is something you see by the wayside, as a by the by. It’s not a necessity, and perhaps never will be. Desire, on the hand, can and will be a necessity, even if it is just a dressed up want.

This entry is brought to you by an overdose of beautiful new tech gadgets I am convincing myself can wait for at least another 18 months before I even consider them, much less lust over.

Seriously, look at these beautiful phones!
Seriously, look at these beautiful Z3 Compact colours! Image from http://www.pcadvisor.co.uk/

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Is ded please send coffee (Is ded send coffee)
2014-09-01 09:32 pm
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REVIEW: Lucy


Hosted by imgur.com, image from http://hdwallpape.com

Lucy was awesome.

Lucy is… seriously, quite really, awesome.

You need to know my biasness first. It’s Scarlett Johansson. I loved her as the Black Widow, I love her even more as Lucy. And I love how in Lucy, I felt very terrified for her character in the first 10 minutes than I did screaming for her in Avengers. So there.

Now back to Lucy. TL;DR summary? Lucy is a fairly innocent young woman who becomes the first human with the ability to use 100% of her cerebral capacity. What follows is a mix of anime cutscenes, Korean action sequences and the realisation that it’s a very European show.

TL;DRating? 8/10.

More under the cut! And some some spoilers ahead!

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Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)
2014-08-25 10:29 pm
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depressing words

Full moon over Osaka, July 2013
Full moon over Osaka, July 2013

Trigger warning for depressing content. You’ve been warned. Also a lot of self-indulgence, so um.. yeah.

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Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)
2014-08-25 10:03 am

[Prompt] Dragon Dances

Dancing Snake Lady from Manga Matrix
Dancing Snake Lady from the book, Manga Matrix

Needed some inspiration to kickstart the writing juices the other day, so got Nick and Des to give me random numbers. This is the first page, second one’s coming a bit later. Let’s see if this will be a story…

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Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)
2014-05-03 11:17 pm
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What does a kiss taste like?

What does a kiss taste like?
Soft, gentle, undemanding
A chaste kiss
To say Hello.

What does a kiss taste like?
Hot, hard, fierce
Unrelenting desire
Passion unleashed.

What does a kiss taste like?
Hints, teases
A memory made
Changed forever.

What does a kiss taste like?
Skin on skin
A tug, a pull
An intoxicating emotion.

What does a kiss taste like?
Dominance, submission
A battle of desire
Passionate days.

What does a kiss taste like?
A beginning, an end
A greeting, a farewell
A journey.

~~~~~

Been meaning to write something simple for some time. And then today, that line just popped into my head. What is the meaning of a kiss? Is it in the lips? Is it in the body language? Is it, in the grossest sense of the word, the saliva transfer?

It’s probably all this and more.

A kiss.

Such an innocent thing. So much meaning. Much impact.

Ok I’ll stop with the doge thing. XD

It’s more intimate than a hug I feel. And more private though. But it’s a gentle reminder. Of being loved. Of being cared for. Of having an intimate bond.

A bond that might not break no matter what.

I like hugs. I love kisses.

I think it’s mainly because I don’t have that much opportunity to kiss. So the hugs help make up for it. No, I take it back.

I love hugs.

They’re awesome. And it’s more comforting than a kiss. A kiss, no matter how you look at it, is brief. It doesn’t happen for long. But a hug?

That lasts as long as you need it to. Three minutes. Four. Even an hour. Holding someone until they feel comforted. Until they feel someone else loves them the way they do.

I’m blessed to get both. Well, not the intimate kind of kisses now, but the others, yes.

I’m blessed to be loved.

More importantly, I’m blessed to be able to love. Even if it doesn’t seem like it to the receiver (sorry, I admit I’m somewhat a tsundere.)

Thank you, for loving me.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Young Miles comforting young Fran (Miles comforting young Fran)
2014-04-19 12:12 pm
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[750 Words] Or how I procrastinate

Dragon plugged into office comp
Dragon plugged into office comp

Writer’s note: a cut from today’s stream of consciousness writing. And in case you were wondering, yes I haven’t forgotten my list of things to write nor the 100 weeks challenge yet. XD

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Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Is ded please send coffee (Is ded send coffee)
2014-04-08 08:44 am
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750 words: A long ramble?


Here, cute pic before you click on wall of text below

So, testing this for the first time. I kind of regret not signing up for 750words.com before this. Should have done it a long time ago, but I thought that daily word counts were not a thing that I could do. Shows what I know, huh? Now that I’ve resorted to this, I have nothing more to do than to keep doing it. :D

On a fun note, this service is free for the first 30 days, then after that you have to pay USD5 a month to keep using the site. Usually I avoid subscription services like the plague, but this site has a few gamification and data features that interests me (which reminds me I need to look up that Big Data course on Google).

There’s badges here! As in badges that you get when you sign up, when you complete achievements, and so forth. They also pull your IP and display the weather it was when you were writing; I find this quite amusing and would probably be a good way for me to gauge further down the road what keeps me writing and what probably keeps me in bed.

Now, for the features that caught my eye; this site also has stats on when you write, your speed, the words you use, etc etc etc, all stuff that I usually find very useful. These stats are kind of hard to collect though, and even harder to display meaningfully (aka I am too lazy to see if the scripts for this exist). They also have monthly and weekly stats, which are far more useful to me.

Yes, I’m using this site as a way to keep myself writing. 750 words, I think, is a pretty hefty chunk to write. It’s three pages long, which, for a blog, is pretty lengthy. But I think it might work, and since they’re talking about writing a little bit every day, I think it’s a good habit to start again.

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Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Hagi Saya Side view looking out (Hagi Saya Looking out)
2014-03-27 07:59 am
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[Review] CooperVision BioMedics 1 Day Toric

Disclaimer: I received free trial Coopervision contact lenses in return for writing this review. However, all opinion and experience stated below are mine, except for lens specifications.

Lens specs:
Name: Biomedics 1 day Extra Toric
Type: Daily Disposables
Comfort level: TOO DAMN HIGH
Recommended for: Those who have astigmatism

3 days with it.

That’s all it took for me to fall in love with these contact lenses.

Well, no, it was faster than that.

3 minutes. Not kidding.

I got them on a Thursday and put them in on a Friday.

The difference. Man, the difference!

I literally went from being almost blind to sharp vision in less than 2 minutes. It took my eyes that long to adjust, and when I could see again, it was amazing! Did I mention that these contact lenses were comfy? I couldn’t really feel or see them while they were in.

So I wore them to a client meeting where my client actually asked me if I got enough sleep. My eyebags are usually hidden in the shadow under my eyes by my glasses. It’s not something you can see easily if I was wearing glasses. ;p

The rest of the day was spent getting used to the fact that I had almost perfect vision, except for the hours I spent in front of a computer screen. The fonts were a bit blurry, but some eye drops and better rest took care of that.

The brochure says the contacts are good up to 11 hours, but I’ve worn them for almost 14 hours with no side effects. However, your mileage can and will probably vary. I’ve had no bad experience with them in my eyes, but there are some things you WILL want to know:

  • It is ridiculously easy to put these things in.
    Takes me less than a minute for my left and maybe slightly over for my right (the right side’s a bit weird). Never had an issue putting them in, except for that one time I managed to flip the lens the wrong way ^^;
  • The lenses are really soft!
    If you’re forgetful, please please please set a reminder to tell yourself to take the lenses out of your eyes. The lenses are so comfortable and natural that I had to remind myself that this “sharpness” is not natural for me (the irony!)
  • Taking them out CAN be a bitch
    I chalk this up to my own inexperience rather than the lenses themselves. Remember what I said about the lenses being comfortable? They’re quite soft and pliable, which means removal can be difficult. I found it easier to take the lens out of my left eye before attempting my right. For the latter, I slid it down to the edge of my eye before attempting to pinch them out. Eyedrops may make the process easier for you.

So do I recommend these lenses? HIGHLY. I’m actually contemplating getting a full box of my own when my trial runs out. They’re the first contact lens brand I’ve worn that makes going without glasses a real possibility and not a “one-off” annual thing I do for vanity’s sake.

That said, don’t take my word for it. Get your 5-day trial lenses here! Let me know how it goes for you. ;)

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)
2014-03-11 08:15 am
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Identity

Makishima-senpai on my phoneMakishima-senpai on my phone

What is my identity?

When you talk about identity in Malaysia, it always comes back to race. To where you come from. To your culture. Chinese. Malay. Indian. Eurasian (colonial and not). Whatever.

Which always left me feeling a bit off, because I could never quite grasp them the way. I like culture, but not in quite the same others have internalised them. And then there’s the whole, “If you’re this religion and that race combo” mix, there’s a subtle way pressure to act/identify a certain way.

What is my identity?

I grew up in an English-speaking household. Always felt it was a bit off, because while my friends learnt at least 3-4 languages, in my mixed household we learnt only two.

And neither one was our grandfather’s nor grandmother’s tongues, at least not according to the ethnicity Malaysia had christened them with.

What is my identity?

Stories tell you a lot about the person in front of you. It’s not just the content of the story itself, but how it’s presented, by whom it’s presented, and why it’s presented… We’re all made up of different stories that have led us to where we are. Stories are a journey, but not an end.

Compared to most others, I have a fairly priviledged and safe story. I didn’t quite want for anything growing up, and I have enough to provide for myself, at least. My story’s rather tame, compared to most others.

What is my identity?

The roles we play inform our identity. The labels we stick on ourselves, these form our identity. The feelings, the emotions, the actions we take… this becomes our identity. It is how we identify ourselves to both each other, and to ourselves, a way of marking our presence and reality.

What is my identity?

A sister, I hope. A mother, maybe. A friend. A child. A writer. A spinner of stories. A privileged git. An overbearing and arrogant woman. A people pleaser. A lonely person.

So many, and yet none of these. I am the sum of my stories, and to narrow myself down to a single story, a single identity would be to displace my humanity and the humanity of those who have added to this story.

There’s always a way to move forward.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)
2014-03-05 12:55 pm
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[Tech Notes] Dealing with Dell aka office laptop

To disable touchpad, download the Synpatics driver from the Dell website for your model.

To enable editing images in Chrome for Google+, ensure hardware acceleration is turned on.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)
2014-02-14 02:09 pm
Entry tags:

*surface*

I’m still alive and am still here! Just been busy writing. Have submitted one story to Women Destroy Science Fiction and am now working on the one for Lost in Putrajaya. Aiep.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)
2014-02-02 10:04 am

Creative Whine

Then I have too many ideas for three submissions.
- Angels for Lost in Putrajaya
- Circles for Lost in Putrajaya
- Into Hiding for either Lost in Putrajaya or Steampunk
- Need to fix Shakti for Women Destroy Science Fiction!

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Cute sisters from PW as kids (Default)
2013-12-27 04:25 pm
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4 Days to the New Year

I can’t quite wait to say goodbye to 2013. In some aspects, 2013 has been kind. However, in other aspects, it’s been a horrible year.

Friends have been mugged, I got into a major accident, friends lost jobs, dad had a massive heart attack, the uke and I are no longer together, lost a few projects, house has been leaking etc etc etc.

On a good note though, I went to Japan for the second time, did NOT lose my job, had some new experiences at work, travelled completely solo to Penang and Singapore (separate trips), made my personal best at SCKLM and then at Penang Bridge 10KM, made level 7 in Ingress AND had my short story published in a dead tree anthology (by dead tree I mean printed onto paper).

So many new things, and yet so many old too. I’ve made some closer connections, lost quite a few, and overall, have been trying to consolidate myself. Pieces of me have scattered through the aether, and I’ve spent a long time picking them up. In a way it’s a lot like Lyra’s own story. She started off with knowing how to use the alethiometer by instinct, but by the end of the series, has to relearn everything that came so easily before.

My life feels a lot like Lyra’s. It wasn’t as full of feelings and hurts as it is now. It’s not quite the easy game I was led to believe. Trying to please everyone, including myself at the same time is a lot of work, especially when it turns out I’ve been wanting to please the people who matter only because they have rejected me. In the long run, they don’t matter, but like a lot of things, it hasn’t been an easy thing to accept.

So many things have happened this year, that I can only hope Hettar was right, “Events are like horses, they’ll gallop and then slow down again.”

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)
2013-12-24 03:22 pm
Entry tags:

Brief Comic Fiesta Update

Happy to have met a lot of people, am squeeing over polite kids, and parenting done right, and aieeee 90% of what I bought this year were really nice original artwork stuff!

However, on a sad note, dad’s in the hospital for a massive heart attack, but because he went early there doesn’t seem to be lasting damage to his heart (aka no scar tissue). We’ll know if he needs a bypass later after the angiogram.

With that, BLESSED CHRISTMAS ALL!

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)
2013-12-09 11:29 pm
Entry tags:

Engraving of the soul

Phoenix Rising

Tattoos fascinate me.

The idea of ink leaving a permanent mark on my skin is something I used to fear for myself. It wasn’t the pain, it wasn’t the regret. It was the idea that I’d choose a design that I wanted to get rid of 5, 10 years down the line.

Airbrush tattoos are generally a great alternative. I got this as a timely reminder to myself. Been meaning to for the past few weeks, and finally kicked myself to do it yesterday.

Instant regrets: Not asking them to add some red to the tail for a more colourful spin and not putting the tattoo a little lower on the arm so when I type, the tattoo’s completely hidden.

Otherwise, today’s the second day and I’m finding living with the tattoo isn’t so bad. We’ll see how things go in a week.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

geminianeyes: Fran X Miles Double Team  (Fran X Miles Double Team)
2013-12-07 03:05 am
Entry tags:

One post a week?

And here I was naively thinking after Nano I’d be able to write more.

December’s here. Wow. Kinda hard to believe it’s finally here. This entire year feels a lot like a dream. So many things have happened. So many memories entangled within. I haven’t been writing much because the past two years have been… unusual.

I wanted to use the word crazy but it’s not really been crazy. It’s a lot like the wheel of fortune. A few good times here and there. Bad times to balance it. It kinda hurts, though, being here. Coming back from a world of grey.

The past few years have been like swimming in treacle. Or something sticky and almost fluid that doesn’t want to suck you in and freeze you like tar, but where it’s an effort. After a while, you start wondering what’s the point of it all.

The funny thing about running is that after a while, you keep going because… you just do. Your muscles keep going through the motions even though it hurts because stopping isn’t really an option. It feels a lot like that, the past few months. I keep going even though I can’t see the reason.

The will to live is strong.

In about 6 months, I’ll be turning thirty. I think I can kiss the possibility of having a child myself goodbye. It’s really hard to justify to myself why I should have a child when I often describe myself as one. I mean, I still have TWO milk teeth!

I tell better summaries than I do details, unless I get myself lost in the summary. So here’s a summary of my past two years; came back, got thrown in the deep end, found temporary joy, left my parents far enough that I’d have warning if they were coming to get me (see what I mean about details?), discovered new friends, held old ones, broke my heart, had my heart broken, forced into different roles with no warning, felt suicidal a few times, wrote a lot of words that didn’t matter, fell in love with a city, trained my mind somewhat, started learning to live in different stories, allowed myself to feel, allowed myself to mourn, allowed myself to just… feel.

I bleed. I laugh. I cry. I hug. I touch. I weep. I mourn. I smile.

Yeah, this is pretty much a whiny blog post. Why are you still here?

Oh yeah, cause this is a letter as much to strangers as it is to myself. We’ve been through a lot, you and I. Our bodies remember what our hearts and mind choose to forget. To forget means to deny ourselves. Our humanity.

Dying isn’t an option.

“We are more than what we be.

Each living thing carries within them that seed, to be more than what they are. The potential. As long as you are alive, you have this potential. We are our own universe. Even merely existing is enough. Because when we exist, then we can live.”

And really, what does it mean to really live? Is it to tell our grandkids stories? Is it to brag to each other?

Or is it to build memories, that when we go into that cold afterlife, there’ll be memories to keep us warm through the night?

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.